The Year that Was - 2018

2018 has been a year of ups and downs. There have been times when I thought - 'life's over and I cannot keep going on anymore'. And then there have been times, when I thought, 'hmm...not so bad!'

One thing that I learnt in 2018 was - to never give up! When 2018 dawned, I had chosen a word for the year - Resonance!

I stuck by it, and only tried to do things, or be with people with whom I resonated!
Mind you, the word did not pop up on it''s own! It was this message, that I kept seeing on Instagram for a number of times, and I decided to hold on to the sign! 

Going by that, here are some of the "tops" of 2018! 

Top 5 moments of 2018:
1. Meeting my nephew and nieces - Sheer Joy!
2. Chance to be a part of Heartfulness movement, day after day!
3. Meeting my Best Friend after 2 years!
4. Family Reunion!
5. Baby news - from BFFs!

Top 5 "Firsts" of  2018:
1. My First House!
2. My First long drive in my new car!
3. My First time watching a Live Cricket Match!
4. My First time making Sizzlers!
5. My First time with Keto Diet! - Meh! :/

Top 5 things I "Learnt (Skillwise)" in 2018:
1. Self-Love
2. Anger/Mood Management
3. Technical Skills
4. Guitar - Still a long way to go
5. Meditation/Introspection Techniques

Now coming to the Not-so-Good parts of 2018

Top 5 "No-so-good" things that happened:

1. Physical Health - took  a toll! 2019 - Will be the year of transformation!
2. Mental Health - breakdowns and anxiety did not leave me. I managed to live with it, thanks to sincere Meditation and Inner Connect! I have had trust issues, and they continued this year! I cannot easily place my trust in anyone!
3. Though, I learnt really well to manage my anger, but there were times, when the gush of emotions, the heat would consume me! I was thankfully, able to manage it!
4. I did not do well, work wise, hence money wise. 
5. My center of attention was always something/someone apart from me.
(Though, Self-Love was a constant struggle, I did try to draw my attention to the more important things, than other people and other distractions. Late last year, I did a 21 days stint to inculcate a habit and it worked well!)


Top 5 "Lessons from mistakes" of 2019:

1. Don't take your health for granted!
2. Be smarter, when it comes to money!
3. Have goals - short and long term and work towards it!
Can you imagine, I did not have any goals this year - personal/nor professional! I completely missed the point of self-improvement, while trying to manage other weak points of my life
4. BREATHE. Properly. It helps - so so much!
5. Gratitude! No matter what happened, I learnt to accept and be thankful for it. This made things a little easier!

Philosophical Achievement - I understood the meaning of Killat (Less Money), Illat (Ill-Health), Zillat (Criticism) in true terms, and I am so thankful, the experiences in 2018 taught me humility in true terms.

The word/phrase of 2019 is - "Let Go" (Of Inhibitions and blockages which have been holding me back for so so long!). "The Art of Life is "Letting Go" - (read this on instagram again!)

May 2019 be a year of learning/yearning and earning - good health, wealth and peace for one and all!

Happy New Year!

*clink*

Maya

Maya!!

No.. She's not an illusion. None at all. 

But, the idea that you can own her, sure is. 

She is like a firefly. She'll light up into a flame and attract you. And you'd catch her, perhaps. But don't think she'll glow at your whim. She owns her spark and you can never grab it. 

Not between your lips, or fingers or palms.

You may wonder, why doesn't she talk; and sometimes she's full of stories. It is annoying, intriguing, senseless. All at the same time... 

She wants more and more of everything on certain days and on some days she is as benevolent as the grace of God - so giving!

She can let go easily and not ponder over things that tear you apart. 

She'll instead whine over trivial matters. 

She'll hold you when you are weakest and not hold you at all when you are worse. Not because she cares less. 

It's because she needs to hold her self together. 

A broken hook cannot hold a mantle. 

She breaks and remains broken. 
Until she's ready to be whole again. Sometimes, she tries to make things alright. 

She tries to proves that she's done it before, but most of the times she's just gotten accustomed. 

Most of the times, she remains who she is. And you should let her be. 

She may be a mystery, but she's real. Don't make her a figment of your imagination. She's not an illusion. She's a real person. 

But let go of your ideas about her. Those are illusions- Dangerous ones!!!

Have you ever been on a date with yourself?

Try it!

Excerpt from Love in the time of  Cholera : 

The sky and a song!

Pic: ObscureOptimist

While i was passing through Queens, i captured this beautiful sky. 

A tumultuous parody which the sky was singing, while the clouds were dissolving in the hues of dullness.
I could only think of this one song that slowly grew onto me, after being asked a number of times to pay heed to. 

There are many moments when the background score of my life (in my mind) is this track.. Chasing cars.. By snow patrol... 

And while i saw fast moving cars chasing each other, while skies played mischief, i asked a perpetual question... Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Then it rained... for a long long time!

Sigh, my eternal love affair with rains!

Fate and Love!

I sat in the corner of my room, in the dark, so that fate won't find and hit me hard. Karma, they say! What did i ever do to deserve this, i thought. 

But that wasn't really the question, i should have been asking. All efforts futile, all escapes meaningless! How can one hit a dead end and keep moving? 

I hid from everything, everyone.. I hid from people who thought they were helping me. 

I escaped my own existence and flew to distant lands of illusions

Where sinking in dungeons was as dangerous as flying high. 

One day, i was pulled out.. by a tiny ray of light, that kept knocking on one of the doors in my mind.. It said,  Love is pretty easy to find

You may look down, look above 

You can be troubled by fate

But you'll be saved by love!

La Douleur Exquise

I stare at the sky

as gravity keeps me grounded

and wonder if the moon appears

as bright to you

as it appears to me?

I catch the wind

in my fists

and glue it with kisses

and send them towards the sky...

If you ever feel

a puff touch your lips

or wind caress your hair,

I want you to feel my scent and touch

And know..

that even though I have never

been able to express

my love

or ask...

i do feel it..

as strongly as you don't!

And sometimes, I believe

you are like that dream

I keep chasing...

A beautiful illusion..

And this, darling,

is universe's way of letting me know

that the yearning should never stop

no matter how heart wrenching the pain is...

just like you...

***

La Douleur exquise : (French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someone you can't have...

wo khat ke purze...

©Yamini

Wo khat ke purze uda raha tha
Hawao ka rukh dikha raha tha
 
Kuch aur bhi ho gaya numaya
Main apna likha mita raha tha
Hawao ka rukh dikha raha tha

-Gulzaar Saab

Show me the meaning

Of Being Lonely...

© Yamini

When Words are in a Picture

Couldn't have had a better Picture for Wednesday - Words in Picture! 

The Dusk

Sometimes, it is worth leaving before it turns dark! 

...Like Father Like Son!

I wonder, if this is what the future of the kid's gonna be!

He'll never know, when Play will become Work!

Even in a downpour...

.... Faith shines bright!

Sometimes, the world seems useless and the heart yearns only for...

Home
Picture Courtesy : Pooja Cornelius

Togetherness

©Yamini

  The world is a puzzle and we're two pieces that fit perfectly together.

Serene Smile

Very rarely do we find a smile, that's so serene, carefree and attractive. She had lesser things to worry about, no one to judge, and nothing to lose.

So she smiled, like she ruled the world! 

This is the prettiest smile I've ever seen!

©Yamini. Clicked at Baga beach, Goa