Back with a Doodle!

Art Courtesy : Diba Raza

When nothing else was inspiring enough, this doodle did what, pain and joy couldn't do - it made me write again! There are so many issues going around,  that I did feel the need to express but was too lazy to pen it down and put it on the blog. But things have to be said, if you feel so strongly! And hence, I am back. Like always, there is a comeback and then a long hiatus. But, microblogging can be easily converted to a full fledged blog post, and that doesn't require efforts. I guess!

So, I was wondering....
about Gurmehar
about Hate Crimes going on in Trumpland
about the abysmal performance of the Indian cricket team against Australia
about Single Parenthood! (Congratulations to Karan Johar on becoming a father to a wonderful pair of twins)
about Surrogacy being illegal
about how Earth is breathing at a higher frequency proving that human consciousness is evolving
about AIB's video on Women's besties and on air with AIB's comeback!
about Ayesha Takia's Botox! (Yes, I have an opinion on this as well!)
about not being able to spot all 32 states on the map of India! (and the plight of fellow Indians)!
...
and the list is really really long!
I wonder if I have so much to talk about, why don't I?

Courtesy: Google Images

What's keeping me soooo busy? -->

It's time to get back to interests - my own!
Hence the comeback! yet again!


***


PS: What do you think of the blog header and the awesome doodle? 

How Dog's pee saved me a meal!

Pic Courtesy : thinkstock

Some things are so funny! Sadly funny. Sadly-punch-you-in-the-face-funny! You really can't do anything about it!

So, I am a Vegetarian who eats eggs, whatever you may want to call that! So when I go out for a dinner party with few other people who like to eat meat, red or plain, I usually think that I'll get to have what I desire in the vegetarian cuisine, because they  get to pick what they eat, without my interference!

So this is what happened, once upon a time!

After debating over potential restaurants which serve good Veg and Non-Veg food, I went to this swanky place with a few other people (those who shall not be named!). It had a low lit ambiance, quite to my liking and it smelled lovely in there. I was so attracted by a steaming plate of vegetables that the waiter passed by me with, to another table, that I mentally decided what I would be ordering!

Being the only vegetarian, I boldly called for my order, trying to customize it as per my liking. I called for  Sauted vegetables tossed with garlic in soy sauce and honey. I love the taste, don't judge me! While I was indulging in what I'd call a gluttony-initiation, a strong opposition came in!

"Vegetables?? Are you mad! Order, Paneer no!", one of them said.

"I don't like Paneer so much", I replied.

"Don't worry, main kha lunga! Aur mere liye ek Chicken Lollipop kar dena bhaiyya", he added.

"Ok, then one paneer tikka with Sauted vegetables", I said.

"Arre? Tu akeli hai, kitna Veg order karegi? Itna hoga kya khana?", he asked.

"Tu Paneer khayega, toh main kya khaungi?", I asked.

"Pura thodi na khaunga re pagli!", he replied.

I thought, perhaps it is a good idea to order just one vegetarian dish, instead of ordering two. I always make sure that I never waste food. So I ordered the Paneer tikka in yellow coating with green chutney! I kinda convinced myself, that paneer ain't that bad, after all! I was also hoping I'd get 80% of the share, because - Hanger(Hunger+Anger) makes you do silly things and how much paneer would a non-vegetarian eat?

The order started coming in slowly. As usual, the Vegetarian Starter came in first. Everyone on the table, 8 of them, asked the waiter to serve it to them. There are just 8 pieces of Paneer in Paneer Tikka. And the guy who loved Paneer got one extra. For an appetite of an elephant, I was starving and I got served with just one piece of the starter! And all the self proclaimed non-vegetarians were hogging on the only little food that had come my way!

"Hey guys, I'll order one more, you'll eat?", I asked trying to curb my anger.

"Nai nai. We are Non Veg. Chicken aayega na. You order, you order!", they said.

"Toh bhaiyya, ek Mushroom ka starter kar do koi bhi. Bohot Bhook lagi hai!", I did not even look at the menu.

"Mushroom? You are a vegetarian no? Why eat Mushroom?", one of them said.

"See, I am a different kind of a vegetarian! I love Mushrooms and Eggs and I don't want to classify this food or me as anything, at the moment. So call  me anything you want!" I said, frustrated.

"So call yourself a non vegetarian then, why have fancy name tags for yourself!", one argued.

A good debate is possible only when one is fed full. I wasn't, so i ignored with a cursory smile.

The chicken starters started to come in and they all looked jubilant. I ignored their faces as I traced the waiter who took my order. I hoped for him to come back soon with the order. I was sure, I could eat more, considering I'd get just one more piece of Mushroom.

"So, main course?", I asked.

"Nai, we have ordered enough starters. Hum log nai khaenge", they all said. 

7 vs 1! I couldn't have argued. They don't serve small portions for a single vegetarian eater! What a shame!

I feel sometimes it's better to go out for dinner with people who know you best (read - who let you eat your food and who eat theirs!), and not with people who call them selves "Pure Non-vegetarians" and eat Vegetarian! It was not a very good feeling. After waiting for an eternity, my order finally came in! The waiter asked the others if they wanted Mushrooms, and they all nodded!

I couldn't take it anymore.

"You know Mushrooms are made from Dog pee", I declared, before the waiter could move the serving spoon!

"What? Are you serious?", they all asked in unison.

"No yaa, those are different mushrooms!", one said.

"Ewks, I can't eat it anymore, it's so disgusting that you said it out loud", the other said.

Good I thought. The others got busy on google, trying to find out the history of mushrooms. The waiter came my way and kept the entire plate in front of me. I ate to my hearts content, ignoring the discussions they were having. 

Finally one of them said, "You are worst than us. We are non-vegetarians. You are a dog-pee-eterian".

I smiled a happy smile - the one which comes when your stomach is full. I nodded gulping down a satisfying glass of water.

"Yes, I love dogs!! Their pee too!!", I said.

And there was no hypocrisy in that! Finally a dog-fact saved this vegetarian a meal!

Also, No! The edible mushrooms have nothing to do with dog pee. This is jan hit me jaari! ;)

Misophonia : Stage 4.

That's what I am suffering from. They say when any disease reaches stage 4- then there is no coming back. I knew something was really wrong with me. I did not realize it until my senses messed up. At one point I also thought that I was recuperating. But turns out, it was just a phase and then it slowly made its way to the dreaded stage 4. Now what next? I will die! Simple!

Well.. how, you may ask! Misophonia is a serious case of intolerance to certain noises. I am suffering from Misophonia PSMTN - stage 4!

It gives me this insane drive to yell a "PLEASE STOP MAKING THAT NOISE" to someone who relentlessly slurps, burps or chews loudly while eating. Rather, I don't even feel like yelling anymore, it's more of a push to kill a person. And then what happens when you kill someone?

You go to prison and you die. There.. Stage 4. Death!

That's how serious it is!

I remember my cousin telling me a name for this condition. I had no idea this was actually a disorder. But then, all disorders begin with no name, and then you have a name coined, usually based on the name of the first patient, or the first antidote that was ever produced. Or.. you know what... I really don't care! But they have a name and it's called misophonia and I have it! Period!

Sometimes, there needn't be a solution to disorders. Just get rid of those people around who cause you this disgust or pain or anger. But do we ever do that?

Sometimes, I feel, developing love and lots of love towards people will ease a lot of things. I've been at it! But this doesn't always work! You sometimes wanna shut them up, and feed them through a tube! I know that's a bad thing to say, but c'mon. You can't blame a person suffering from Misophonia! I am suffering - stage 4, and if people don't stop... I may die.. (you know that part right... kill'em-jail-hangedtilldeath-stuff!)

Boy! this rant is just a symptom perhaps!

I'll take a moment to pray for all the souls who suffer from this, and more so for people who are outright pathetic, have no manners and do not know how to chew the food and sip the beverage in the cup.. Good Lord grant them some sense!

And for me.. Well.. I'll see if I have any chance of living! Looks like there are new organic earplugs in market. That should help. Unless the Pharmacy industry decides to curb the distribution of natural remedies and shoves some medicines in the name of cure for Misophonia!

D-uh!

Humour me..this men's day!

Me (To the boys in the whatsapp group): 

Happy International Men's day to you guys.. You guys are few of the most amazing men I know!!

Maloo:

 Huh! Aaj toh world sanitation day hai na! 

Debo: 

Ek hi baat hai! 

ROFLMAO!!

***

Jee haan, Aisa bhi hota hai! :D

Por...tu....gal!!!

And Ronaldo is not the only reason why I support Portugal. After this...

.... I support it even more ;) 

Hen Party

On Sunday I was out with my room-mates for a Girls' day out. We had a surprise party thrown for Maloo and we called it a Bachelorette party, without the usual hoopla (sans the strippers and booze et al). We had fun in our own sweet way, beginning with a treasure hunt, leading to destinations which hid the next clue, all over the city.

This was one of those exciting Sundays, when you feel what a blessing a weekend is and what a great change Marriage is. It would be, like they say technically, a paradigm shift for this woman, as she takes it up gracefully.

More on this, coming up very soon!!

CHUDAIL

Right! So this was nostalgia. I was discussing the other day with a friend what all crazy things we did when we were kids. One of them was calling the Chudail and hear her wash clothes.

How to call a Chudail?

1. Take a small piece of rag. (Analogous to the cloth to be washed)
2. Take some strands of hair (Anybodys.Do not expect a Pantene user to give you those strands :D)
3. Take a small piece of washing soap, precisely Rin (Chudail prefers Rin)
4. Take some water (one needs water to wash clothes, you see ;) )
5. Take a piece of stone (Clothes were earlier washed on a washing stone... Ask the Grandmoms!)
6. Take some Sand or mud. (Don't ask me why. It's a ritual! That's it!)

Put all this in a mug and pour water till the sand/mud is wet, entirely.

Invert the mug and put it upside down, covering all these contents.

Sing the following song in total Sur and Taal.. olrite?

"Aap jaisa Koi...mere zindagi me aaye...
Toh baat banjaaye...
ha ha ha baat ban jaaye"

Now, put your ear to the mug.

You will hear the Chudail wash clothes. The Chudail has arrived!!! :D

Now this isn't for the weak hearted, so avoid this, if you are scared of cockroaches.

And those who manage to call and hear the Chudail - Congrats, you are a part of the Hilluminati.. :D :D

Weekend Glee

Weekend was fun. Though there's a lot to write about, but filhaal, there are two instances where we laughed our asses out!

***

Jincy and Johnson, the rockstar couple came over to Pune to spend the weekend with us. We happened to click some pictures and later we analysed all of them.

Maloo said something very intriguing, "A photographer is not a good phototaker, he is a good moment catcher."

We all agreed.

Johnson kinda agreed a lot and gave a counter - compliment to Maloo , "Arre, main tere baare me kuch alag hi sochta tha. Par tu toh bohot intelligent nikli ."

Maloo instantly replied, "Thank you Thank you"

I thought about it and laughed out loud.

Johnson seemed happy that atleast I got the joke and gave a hi-five.

Maloo looked confused. She asked , "Why are y'all laughing? Kuch alag kaha kya aapne?"

We laughed harder and claimed that Golden words are just repeated once, but I decreased the value of the words, by repeating them and then Maloo laughed too.

Tashan ke chakkar me, yaaron, Aisa Bhi Hota Hai... :D


***


After a crazy sunday, and an awesome snack treat at Good Luck Cafe, Maloo and I headed for home. Maloo was riding the vehicle.

We avoided all the signals and took a route from all the small lanes, until we reached the main road. At the crossroads we realised, that a right turn was not allowed.

Maloo asked me, "Right turn is not allowed. Kya karu?"

I replied , "Signal pe ruk, dekhte hai. Right le lenge."

"Arre, look at the board, it says no right turn", Maloo emphasized.

"Left lene me koi matlab nahi hai", I pondered.

"Hmm", said Maloo.

"Do one thing, Take a STRAIGHT TURN", I replied.

Maloo burst out and I kept wondering..

STRAIGHT TURN!!! Grrr...!! What was I thinking...??

Aisa Bhi Hua tha, Aisa Bhi Hota Hai... aur na jaane Aisa Kab tak Hota Rahega :D :D

Kissa 'age' ka

This happened during our training days in our first job.
We were asked to fill a form which looked somewhat like this:

Name:_______________________
Father's Name:_________________ 
Age:_____
Address:______________

So one of the very intelligent and my favorite member of our training group did something out of the world!
Let's assume his name is Rahul....say, Rahul Mahajan. ;)

He started filling his form

Name: Rahul Mahajan

Father's Name: Mr. Mahajan                    

Age:___


At this point he called his father.

Rahul: Papa, aap ki 'age' kya hai?

Mr. Mahajan: Kyu?

Rahul : Form bharna hai, aapki age puchh rahe hai.

We all were in splits.

While recollecting those golden days of training, we happened to revive this particular incident. We wondered "Aisa bhi hua tha?"

And I still say, Jee haan, Aisa bhi hua tha, aur aaj bhi kai baar, Aisa (Bhi) Hota Hai!!

Gossip Mongers

….”So what’s new?”, Maya asked again.

“I’ve already told you everything. What more?”, asked Harsh.

“Oh.. I got nothing to tell either”

“I had something to tell you, but I am not sure whether I should be telling you about it”, said Harsh.

“What is it? Tell me Tell me”, insisted Maya.

“Umm……”. Harsh thought for sometime before replying. “Let it be”.

“What the Ffffun…. in keeping a lady so frantic…”, she sounded irritated.

“But you have to promise that you won’t let it out”

“It depends….”, replied Maya.

“Forget it then…”, said Harsh, regretting why he took out the topic in the first place.

“Alright! I promise I won’t let it out. Trrrruussssttt me!”, she said emphatically.

“Ok. You know my Boss’s wife? She’s dating my HR manager.”

“So?”, asked Maya.

“My Boss’s wife is dating DEEPA. You get that?”

“Jeez!!, this is SOME news. I know Deepa very well. I thought she was married too.”

“Yeah, that’s the catch, Dumb head.”

“Oh! This is one gossip that I need to share with people who deserve to….”

“Shut up! Dare you tell this to anyone? Remember you promised”, yelled Harsh.

“Alright! You can trust me”, assured Maya.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


“Hello, it’s me! How are you?”

“Hi Maya! I am good. So what’s new?”

“Umm…. Nothing much. Things are great!”

“I heard, Shalini’s getting married”

“Yes, and did you hear about Deepa?”

“Deepa? No! What happened?”

“She’s having an affair with Mrs.Bagchi”

“WHAT? Did you say “MRS . Bagchi?”

“Yeaaaah…. Can you believe that?”

“Who told you?”

“That’s not important. You have to keep this to yourself. Promise me.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. But Deepa was happily married na!”

“Ya….that’s the catch, you Dumb head!”

“Oh…..”, sighed Harsh.

“I feel so Good, Harsh!”, said Maya.

“You reacted just like you heard this for the first time. This has really put me to ease”, said Maya.

“Now I hope you won’t let this gossip to any of your friends”, asked Harsh, waiting for a reassurance.

“No, trust me. I won’t. I had to tell it to somebody and I feel lighter!!”, said Maya.

“…and I still wonder…why girls can’t keep secrets….”, questioned Harsh, heaving a sigh of uncertainty.

Re-Union

Sid: Where is Ana?
God: Ana…?
Sid: God you know it, don’t you?
God: I think I do… but what makes you ask me about her?
Sid: I thought she died before I did, so I thought you’d know where she‘d be.
God: You thought she died? Hahahaha…
Sid: She’s still alive? Ohh.. I thought she must have disappeared with the fags.
God: Indeed, she did.. A while ago. It’s been 3 years.
Sid: Did she leave any message for me?
God: What’s the fun, chap? I’ve never had anybody ask anything like this.
Sid: Well, that was our deal. And… you don’t worry God, Just tell me did she leave any message.
God: No...
Sid: No?
God: So shall we proceed? We have formalities to do.
Sid: Sure, Seems only I was looking for her. She never did.
God: You are supposed to rest for a while before you begin your next life cycle.
Sid: As you say, God.
God: And would you like to have some company?
Sid: Company?
Ana: Hey Sid, What are you doing here? Seems they’ve put me in Rehab. There’s no- smoking Zone everywhere out here in Heaven. Good to see you anyway. God made me wait this long. He said it would be three years until I’d get to see you again. So I waited for you.
God: She’ll never give up talking, Sid. I leave you guys to enjoy the bliss and togetherness, something you couldn’t do down there.
Ana: Thank you, God. You were right. This was worth the wait. Don’t you think so Siddharth…. And you know what when I got married, I only feared that….
But soon it got better……………….. and yeah……………I re-read the novel you gifted me..……………… ………..

Rapid Fire

I thought of interviewing a few of my favourite characters, rather people, who closely resembled the characters on my blog..

The Rapid Fire for Kim

Q: How will you describe yourself in one word?
A: Impulsive

Q: What would you prefer – A coffee date with your boyfriend, or girl’s night out?
A: A girl’s night out.

Q: Watching the Sunrise? Or watching the Sunset?
A: Watching the Sunset and waking up till I see the Sunrise.

Q: Matrix or Star Wars?
A: Matrix!

Q: Romantic novels or science fictions?
A: Can we have both in one?
___________________________________________________________________

The Rapid fire for Anuj

Q: Describe yourself in one word
A: Casanova

Q: What would you prefer, a mug of beer and a friend’s company or a glass of wine with your girl friend?
A: A glass of wine and a mug of beer with my girlfriend, who is a great friend too!

Q: Diplomacy or Straightforwardness?
A: Forwardly Diplomatic..

Q: Watching Sunrise or Sunset?
A: Watching the Moon..

Q: Romantic Movies or Science Fictions?
A: Sci- Fi, undoubtedly.
___________________________________________________________________

Rapid fire for Vallerie

Q: Describe yourself in one word
A: Infinite

Q: Newspaper or Cosmopolitan?
A: Cosmopolitan!

Q: Cast Away or If only?
A: If Only

Q:Watching Sunrise or Sunset?
A: The Sunrise.

Q: Love or Friendship?
A: Friendship!

____________________________________________________________________

Rapid Fire for Rishi

Q: Describe yourself in one word
A: Immaculate

Q: Tennis or Ice Hockey?
A: Ice hockey, but I love to watch women play tennis ;)

Q: One night stand or life long relationship?
A: I’d have to try the former to end up with the latter ;)

Q: Friends or Parents?
A: Anuj.

Q: Watching the sunrise or the sunset?
A: Watching the Sunset until it rises again :) :)
___________________________________________________________________

It was fun asking these questions to people who bore resemblance to these characters.

@Readers: I’d appreciate if you give your take on the following questions.
A Rapid fire for all of you :)
- Describe the blog in one word (yeah.. this should be a feedback)
- What would you prefer? Watching the sunrise or the sunset?
- A coffee date or a chat with your best friend?
- Basketball or Cricket?
- Movies – Romantic, Horror, or Sci- Fi?

Forty Winks and a Dream

The usual afternoons are rather boring. The classrooms are dull; the teachers seem to be talking to walls. The college canteens are deserted and if they are not, they seem like rehab where students are trying to overcome their weaknesses, relaxing, sleeping, doing everything in slow motion.

Talking about the IT industry, the training rooms are filled with faces that have no clue of what they are doing. The desktops hide the sleepy eyes, which are tired of staring into the screen, from the trainers. The chairs and the tables serve other purposes. The AC does its job quite well. There are some minds who pretend to be working with a minesweeper or a solitaire window minimized. All the others are either working or trying to prove that they deserve much more than what they get paid for.

The meeting rooms act as Pseudo theatres where none of the presentations seem interesting, unless you are giving them. The audience (oops...should I say the project team members?) try to stare at the screen, occasionally getting up, pretending to attend calls- calls from wife, house-owner, room-mate, friend or for that matter, nature as well.

The souls who have to spend the afternoons in cubicles have a hard time trying to keep up pace with work in the post lunch session.

This reminds me of a dream that I saw a few days ago. No prize for guessing that I was indeed taking a catnap on my desk, in my cubicle.

I remember I was reading a mail from my friend, Muggs, telling me about her sister's experience in IPS training…. And I slipped into a reverie….

I am at Muggs' place, sitting on the couch, munching our favorite snacks over a cup of coffee, viewing some pictures on Picasa. We talk..

Muggs(M) : My sister just learnt how to load a revolver in her IPS training.


Me (Y): Awesome yaar. Sounds so interesting.

M: I think she has really lived her dream. Very few can do it.

Y: It is easy to talk about the crime and the criminals but it is really tough take a decision like this. I am sure she'll be role model to many complacent people....ummm...... like me.... Actually I feel this is the time to do something.

M: Then why don't you appear for the civil services exams.

Y : I am scared. It isn't that easy... I am not scared about getting through, but the nemesis we may have to face once we pass these exams. The criminal nexus is strong and normal people like us cannot do it. It’s just not possible.

M: Tai did it.. Today I realize that to overcome 'that' fear we need to have power. We can only change the system by being a part of the system.

And when we realize that we can do it, realize the positives of power, which can do good to the society, we end up deciding something good -for ourselves, and for the society.

Y: You are right, girl... very right.. You have put me in the thought process. I will do something for myself, for the society... IAS.. IPS...

My set of aims needs a makeover. I will know how to load a revolver then... ..;) ;)


“Dhishkyaauu Dhishkyaauu...”

"Yamini....Yamini....What's wrong?" questioned my TL staring back at me. I found the entire row looking at me intently.

“You need to get the task reviewed. Let's deliver it before 6… “, said my TL.
I got up, gave a forced smile and mumbled,” Sure!”.

Only if I had a revolver…

I cursed the afternoon, the forty winks and my dream...

I walked towards the restroom, like a zombie.... only to come back and work like one.

KISS

The messenger window pops in:

VK: Solve this!!
VK: a^b+b^a=768 find a,b?
VK: In one minute!!

I grab a paper and a pen and start analyzing the equation. It has been ages since I sat with any such math problem. But I think I should be able to crack this one… I take log on both sides….
Log(a^b+b^a) =Log 768 (log 768!! ??? WTF )

I think of not using the scientific calculator… How do I go on? Wait… I can’t take a log of (a^b+b^a).. There is a plus sign!!!
Phew!! I feel like hitting my head on the wall!!
And as I think about the extent of complexity I have reached, I realize the minute is already over, and my quest for the answer reaches the zenith.
I ponder over it…and during the process I find myself in a different terrain..
I am reliving a conversation:

Nonsense: “I have my own conceptions about life. There are 3 different kinds of emotions which I think can make a……”

Sense: “Why don’t u tell me what u are feeling, in one simple statement!!

Nonsense: “That is what I am trying to tell you. I think it is very necessary to have control over your heart, coz all the wrong you do is only because of instant emotional breakdowns and sentimental termination of desires. The mind keeps you going on the right track. Apparently, there is no suffering, if u subdue your hearts requests…, I hope you get what I say!!

Sense: “No, I don’t get any of what you say.. Why do you think so much!! Keep it simple!!

Nonsense: “No it isn’t simple… you are trying to find a way out , without facing the complexity. You should realize that reality is harsh.

Sense: Reality is Virtual. You can have your own interpretations.
And for all the interpretations you make, I tell you –KISS “Keep It Simple Stupid!!!”


I find myself staring the problem again. I ping Varghese back…ask him for the answer!! And he insults saying… “mujhe to laga ki tu ye solve kar degi”… :(

I beg for the answer… the emotional turmoil and the frustration of not getting the answer correct is mounting up big time…

Answer please, I insist….

And the msngr window says:

VK: gadhi
VK: the answer is 1 and 767


How simple that was…. My approach was complex!!! I need to think about the way I handle things.
And this is what I am telling myself from the time I had a revelation: KISS KISS KISS…. Keep It Simple Stupid!!! :P