Lockdown Day 5 - Forgive, but don't forget!

 I went on a random word generator app, and the words that came were these:

It possibly is a great co-incidence that I was thinking of a saga that went on for years together with a friend-turned-into-a-stranger, wondering when was the hatchet actually buried? Did I end it or did he?

Or did the episode eventually die, creating a vacuum, sucking in all the anger and disappointment, slowly turning me into someone who cared less!

Did we actually end up becoming good friends again? Was there ever a possibility of going back to what we were before? No! I don’t think so.

We may have spoken again on many occasions but things never went back to the way they were!

It will take a fiction-attack for me to write the story down, because I can’t really narrate it in first person all that happened! It would be a tough attack on the other person, and one-sided stories are, as you know, biased! I don’t want to be the person who does that! So, we stick to the lessons!

The millennial saying that’s been doing rounds lately is “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received”.

Woke as it may sound, but we all seek peace. Lately we are actively seeking it. But this has been the human conquest since the very beginning and man has been doing innumerable things to achieve this.

One may say, that humans yearn for happiness, sure! Happiness is the result of peace! When you have no worry about the past and no anxiety about the future, you are pretty sorted. The worries of past majorly consist for 3 things – Regret, Guilt and Hurt!

It is absolutely important to resolve these two before you start living in the present!

The secret to this, forgiveness! There are only two way out of these two emotions – 

Either forgive the other person who’s hurt you, or forgive yourself, and let go of the regret and guilt!

I will speak for myself here!

For years, I have lived with hurt and regrets! Triggers would come in many ways and tickle the wound, sometimes, it would open it so wide, that it would take me back to the time when it was fresh! It would be harrowing!!

I would do numerous things to temporarily, seal the wound – or numb it!

Numbing it would give me a brief period of pleasure and forgetfulness – most of you may know or relate to this feeling as intoxication. The feeling of pain would surely subside, but the wound would remain.

Intoxication is has myriad dimensions. I am not talking about substance abuse here (or perhaps that too!), but one may adhere to extreme measures to forget the pain. I did too. I got busier than usual and did not allow my mind to wander where it would go and get hurt again!

But how long would have that helped? Only so much!

Finally, I realized, I didn’t have to numb the pain anymore. I had to heal it! Only then I would be able to face the triggers more gracefully!

And so I decided to forgive! 

I decided to forgive the other person for being insensitive. I forgave myself for expecting too much. I forgave the other person for defaming me. I forgave myself for not believing in myself enough. I forgave the other person for breaking my friendships, I forgave myself for choosing wrong people. I forgave the other person for saying spiteful things to me. I forgave myself for not drawing the boundaries in closest of relationships and friendship! 

Forgiveness is not a one-time job. Sure, it begins with the first time, which is the hardest, and then you keep doing it over and over again until it stops bothering you. You then know that you have healed the wound and the triggers are just passing winds! Because you have learnt what life had to teach!

Another very precious quote goes like this “You chose your lessons, not the teacher!”.

And so the soul takes you on journeys that are hurtful, expeditious and finally worth living! Learning these beautiful lessons through other people is what life is all about. One cannot exist alone, so we co-exist. We may hurt each other, but we do have the most powerful tool to heal - Forgiveness!

I was once told - You needn't learn lessons through anger, hurt or fear! They can be learnt through love too! And believe me, that is the best way!

Forgiveness isn’t just a fancy word – it is an elixir to all dying souls, who have not felt love and vigor in a while – if you are one of them – try it!

Forgive, but don’t forget the lesson!