if there were no dreams

 

if there were no dreams

the permanence would slowly take over

and the little escapes into the terrain of subconscious existence

would deliquesce.

the nights would have no meaning and the eyes would not rest

there shall be no solace, no yearning for the quest!

the sojourn shall halt and there shall be no night -

the nights that would otherwise bring together the different worlds,

sit by the horizon and sew the distance between the sky and the earth

and there wouldn't be lovers

who would yearn to seek their love in their dreams!

if there were no dreams,

there would be no expressions

the lit up mind wouldn't comprehend

the ecstasies of the languid nights!

alas! there would be no poetry!

if there'd be no dreams!

for poets who sleepwalk and catch fireflies

who would they possibly transpire in a state of wakefulness?

there would be no explanation for the idiosyncrasies!

if there were no dreams!

Lockdown Day 8 - Chaos and Clairvoyance!

Picture Courtesy : Google Images

This slumber is a silent time for a lot of chaos to surface. At least for me it is so.

Despite this very appropriate break that we’ve got, to unwind and relax, the body and mind has been giving in to a lot of hidden pains and chaos that was settled deep within but now is causing an imprudent unsettlement. One may think so! The feeling is inexplicable.

This restlessness is also a part of the journey and it is very important to get out of this phase with more clarity if not anything else.

Restlessness and obscurity surfaces when we have been trying to contemplate or introspect. I think, whether we try or not, we are eventually doing it during this time.

There are dreams, vivid or blurred, doesn’t matter, but they are all trying to tell us something.

I had revelations at many levels - during meditation sessions, introspective sessions while reading randomly on internet or books. The clarity isn’t there yet, because these are life altering topics. I have been delving upon them, nonetheless. On the other side of it all I am very sure that there will be a clear direction at least.

Whenever I am down and under and there is no lucidity, I try to pick up the intuitions, and when they haven’t been really strong enough, I do seek guidance. The guidance comes in very many forms if you are open!

Some read through the angel numbers, or talk to clairvoyants or read messages in many different ways.

Social media has made me appreciate and understand that there are so many people all over the world who believe in vibrations, signs and messages too. There is a reason why psychics and clairvoyants exist and they are not really given the due credits they deserve. Every one is struggling, everyone needs a breakthrough, but most of us are closed to the vibrations and messages that keep coming up, and we refuse to take the lesson or guidance!

This is one such time – this chaos, this silence, this period of isolation. If we can just stop all that we have been doing all these days, all these years and slightly bring a shift in the way we have been perceiving things, and open up to a possibility to what the universe is trying to tell, believe me we call could lead our lives out of the pandemonium that distracts us every now and then!

Until we get there, let us make use of all the light-workers who do relentless work for the humanity and play along until they all take us through these times of trial and vagueness. 

Lockdown Day 7 - Pen Pal

Picture Courtesy : Diba

You know my old address,

But I have moved now!

Bring me all those letters that you've written to me

Telling me you were coping

And how?

You’d say that the distances would melt into nothingness!

Take me to the old town of Bombay

Infamous for small flirtatious encounters

Like you’d say!

Tell me about the fancy men,

Who’d befriend you, during the day!

Where promises to build careers and life

Were written on rocks

and sands,

Washed away, inattentively,

As if God’s command!

The beguiling beauty of the roads,

You captured all of them in your letters

And how?

You’ve sent all sweet kisses to an old address

But I’ve moved now!

***

Ever had a pen pal? There was once an exchange of addresses in our school and we made pen pals! There were no phones, no emails, and it was the 90s. I had a pen pal, and I may have written a few letters to him/her!

The anticipation of receiving the letter from the other end, always used to make me imagine the unimaginable! Without knowing who the other person and from what part of the world, opening up to someone who’s an absolute stranger was indeed scary. As a 12-13-year-old, I did it anyway. I perhaps, found a friend in someone whom I’d never meet or see ever!

Time passed, and the letters stopped! I don’t quite remember what we shared over letters!

But to the pen pal, long lost, if you are still sending letters to a place I don’t belong to anymore! I hope you get the metaphor!

Lockdown Day 6 - Summer Break!

Copyright : Obscureoptimist

Some days pass by so quickly, despite being isolated at home. And some days struggle as if there is never going to be an end!

There are some days when I yearn for the childhood / school days to come back. The carefree ones, when April time meant examinations; awaiting summer holidays with all earnestness. It meant making merry plans to visit places – grandparents’, or sitting back home and enjoying with friends.

Voila! I have it now! Alas, I can’t travel anywhere! One because, it is restricted and more so because my beloved Grandparents are not around anymore. This keeps bringing me back to reality - the childhood days are never coming back!

That’s why they say, be very careful about what you wish for, you never know it may come true.

Right now, I am indeed enjoying my summer holidays. Exams were, in a way, a few deliverables that I slogged to send, once I was done with that, I indeed retreated to some good shows on Netflix and some books that were laying for far too long on the shelves.

April is one of my favorite months for obvious reason – my birth month! The power of Aries, and planetary influence of Mars perhaps brings the best out in me. It may not be evident, but I feel the happiest during this time, and co-incidentally it’s the onset of summer (holidays)! Hence, it feels merrier.

As I write this, I am trying to remember all the things I did as a kid, during summer holidays! My mother would insist on being creative during these times, and would enrol us in various classes. I remember joining speaking classes, writing classes and discovering my true love for words, poetry and literature during the summer holidays. I also tried hand at artsy stuff like drawing, painting but that never was my calling. My sister did great at it though!

Summer usually is a time that brings us closer to our true self, I feel. We have had the most leisure during this time and have played our favorite sports, picked up our favorite hobbies, and developed skills that defined us, more than the school curriculum ever did!

It’s summer (holidays) again!

It’s time to rewind and bring back the interests that once enticed us, for which we’d wait one whole year and pursue it with utmost devotion. I cannot say that this time will come over and over again, I pray this situation never occurs again, however, a summer break can always happen for us!

Though forced, this break has really taken me back to the times when I knew and did things that were apart from the routine – where there wasn’t an existential crisis and life had meaning.

Sad, how nature is asking us to do things that were lost in time! It should have been our very own prerogative to do what satisfies our soul!

I am doing just that and intend to keep doing it, until the routine goes!

Be it a summer break, or a winter break; our individual selves need nourishment, and by no means, a vacation with posts on social media shall serve that!

Go back to doing what you loved to do the most in your summer holidays, as a kid!

And we’ll talk about it, in our next break!

Lockdown Day 5 - Forgive, but don't forget!

 I went on a random word generator app, and the words that came were these:

It possibly is a great co-incidence that I was thinking of a saga that went on for years together with a friend-turned-into-a-stranger, wondering when was the hatchet actually buried? Did I end it or did he?

Or did the episode eventually die, creating a vacuum, sucking in all the anger and disappointment, slowly turning me into someone who cared less!

Did we actually end up becoming good friends again? Was there ever a possibility of going back to what we were before? No! I don’t think so.

We may have spoken again on many occasions but things never went back to the way they were!

It will take a fiction-attack for me to write the story down, because I can’t really narrate it in first person all that happened! It would be a tough attack on the other person, and one-sided stories are, as you know, biased! I don’t want to be the person who does that! So, we stick to the lessons!

The millennial saying that’s been doing rounds lately is “I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received”.

Woke as it may sound, but we all seek peace. Lately we are actively seeking it. But this has been the human conquest since the very beginning and man has been doing innumerable things to achieve this.

One may say, that humans yearn for happiness, sure! Happiness is the result of peace! When you have no worry about the past and no anxiety about the future, you are pretty sorted. The worries of past majorly consist for 3 things – Regret, Guilt and Hurt!

It is absolutely important to resolve these two before you start living in the present!

The secret to this, forgiveness! There are only two way out of these two emotions – 

Either forgive the other person who’s hurt you, or forgive yourself, and let go of the regret and guilt!

I will speak for myself here!

For years, I have lived with hurt and regrets! Triggers would come in many ways and tickle the wound, sometimes, it would open it so wide, that it would take me back to the time when it was fresh! It would be harrowing!!

I would do numerous things to temporarily, seal the wound – or numb it!

Numbing it would give me a brief period of pleasure and forgetfulness – most of you may know or relate to this feeling as intoxication. The feeling of pain would surely subside, but the wound would remain.

Intoxication is has myriad dimensions. I am not talking about substance abuse here (or perhaps that too!), but one may adhere to extreme measures to forget the pain. I did too. I got busier than usual and did not allow my mind to wander where it would go and get hurt again!

But how long would have that helped? Only so much!

Finally, I realized, I didn’t have to numb the pain anymore. I had to heal it! Only then I would be able to face the triggers more gracefully!

And so I decided to forgive! 

I decided to forgive the other person for being insensitive. I forgave myself for expecting too much. I forgave the other person for defaming me. I forgave myself for not believing in myself enough. I forgave the other person for breaking my friendships, I forgave myself for choosing wrong people. I forgave the other person for saying spiteful things to me. I forgave myself for not drawing the boundaries in closest of relationships and friendship! 

Forgiveness is not a one-time job. Sure, it begins with the first time, which is the hardest, and then you keep doing it over and over again until it stops bothering you. You then know that you have healed the wound and the triggers are just passing winds! Because you have learnt what life had to teach!

Another very precious quote goes like this “You chose your lessons, not the teacher!”.

And so the soul takes you on journeys that are hurtful, expeditious and finally worth living! Learning these beautiful lessons through other people is what life is all about. One cannot exist alone, so we co-exist. We may hurt each other, but we do have the most powerful tool to heal - Forgiveness!

I was once told - You needn't learn lessons through anger, hurt or fear! They can be learnt through love too! And believe me, that is the best way!

Forgiveness isn’t just a fancy word – it is an elixir to all dying souls, who have not felt love and vigor in a while – if you are one of them – try it!

Forgive, but don’t forget the lesson!

Lockdown day 4 - Introspection during Isolation

Copyright : Obscureoptimist

Isolation is hard. There are so many things that have been sporadic in our list of priorities. We'd pick things up on a patch-fix basis, and not address the most important ones despite knowing the severity!

I am sure we have had a list of things we wanted to do or achieve, or become and never found the time to do so. There are basic things, like cleaning up, which probably was pending since years, has finally found attention of people. I see people exercising - ones who have never had time to do it more diligently before. I see people reading out poems on their IGTV, and sharing beautiful thoughts on their social media.

I see people doing math equations, quizzes and puzzles and sharing them on whatsapp. The mind is being put to work!

People are basically thinking what more to do than what they have always been doing. Especially now when there is nothing to do, nowhere to be.

How beautiful, right?!

I have been binge watching a few series on Netflix. I finished You, and Stranger things - All seasons and now life has come to a standstill. You know how it is, right? I want to watch more series, but there is nothing that can match the rush and excitement that these two series gave me. I guess now it's time to move on to another genre!

The content consumption for me has indeed been drastic. For years, I've had no time to watch the so-called netflix hits, series that were acclaimed. I was always lagging and wouldn't match the consumption speed of people around me. Just because, a good night's sleep after a tired day at work seemed less ludicrous,  and more exciting, I would give up on series and prefer sleeping instead!

It's like, when you've been hungry for days, and you find food, you gobble up only to realise that your appetite is only so much! Then you go without food for another few days and find what really suits your gut.

Same is the case when we feed our minds with things. We have been in a rut, or a routine, whatever you want to call it, since years now. A break to it, has given us an opportunity to delve into all possibility our mind thinks we've missed. So we try to exercise, cook, put posts on social media, try to read, watch series, sing, dance, clean, and eventually reach a dead end, because it isn't giving you the feeling you hoped for!

You want to do things, but it's not really enjoyable! Have you felt this?

It takes a while to break patterns and develop new ones! If you have been observant enough, you will know what is working for you and what isn't. If you need physical rest, give your body all of it. If you need a mental break, take a break and rejuvenate, healthily. IF you need an emotional detox - dissociate from people who cause emotional distress. This isn't a competition. you don't have to do it all during this quarantine time .You can choose to heal, rest, and treat your body, heart and mind they way you want!

Isolation is a great time to do all of it.

And when you have healed, sealed all the gaps, take on the things that you always wanted to do with renewed energy and head-space! You may think this is a long quarantine!! But believe me, it isn't. Time is too less, and if you see and think about all that you always wanted to do, the days are passing by way too quickly.

Rejuvenate your body mind and soul, and find the purpose, which has been long forgotten!

Try it!! The other side of all this, will be golden!!!

Lockdown Day 3 ~ The Mind is a Cage!

It's a dumb post! Really. You can skip it if you want!

I am jotting it down just for the heck of it. Today is day 3 of the lockdown and  I had to step out of the house for some essentials. I went out on Day 1 too, but that was panic calling in and I had to stock up. The other day the roads were awfully quiet and it felt eerie and lonely outside.

It was a very stressful outing. I also was supposed to carry some stuff for my neighbours who couldn’t go out. During this outing, I realised, what a cage we live in. The cage obviously is the mind! My panic and anxiety peaked. I am usually not the one who stresses out so easily. I have a pretty good control over any situation until it really goes overboard. This was perhaps one of those situations.

I remember my grandfather telling me the stories of war. How it used to be during the British time, or during the China war and how during a curfew getting basic necessity was a big deal. They survived through it all. As a generation we are surely better than our grandparents - most of us I assume!

We have bigger houses to live in, food stocked up, and most important we have phone and internet with which we can get in touch with our families who are also isolated in another part of the country!

This time, the trains and basic transportation services were also stopped - this is for the first time in history - imagine the gravity of the situation! And we thought our grandparents have seen it all! And it’s all good for us now!

Nope!

Today the roads had some people going around for groceries too - rather too freely. Was I one of them I wondered. My want probably is a need for someone else at the moment! Do you know, how we go out and buy two things extra anticipating that we will use it when the time comes!

Do you have those multi color mugs, plates and spoons? Or multi flavoured biscuits, oats and noodles?

Or a variety of fruits?

Believe me, I have hoarded all of these too, not just during this time of lockdown, but all the time. Despite giving minimalism a priority, an inherent human tendency to hoard, always stays! It is a fight for survival, after all! Whose survival now though?

It startles me, how we become family oriented - thinking about a select few, when there are so many out there, walking hundreds of kilometres back home! They are a family too. Could we do something for them? Are we already doing?

If I were in their place, what kind of anxiety would I have? I could even pass out or die given that situation of homelessness, hunger, water depravity and only way of reaching home is to - walk!

 It makes no sense to have anxiety, sitting an apartment, with groceries stocked up!

IT IS ALL IN THE MIND!

The mind is the cage and one needs to set everything in it free.. Breathe freely, and be beyond the doubts of "What if".

I know one fact for sure - Nature made us, and for sure she will take care! Either she will provide, or teach a lesson!

It's up to us to be grateful in all that she has to offer and learn whatever the lesson is …. Or misuse and -stay dumb!

There is a lot of depth and lot of layers in whatever is happening!! Set the mind free, you will see it. Believe me~!!

~

Lockdown Day 2 - Where are you Summer?

Picture Courtesy : Diba

Oh! Sweet Summer

You are as late as my lover,

Who promised to come with warmth of distant lands

And a little sea.

He said he would bring the silences of the woods

And some mystery

Long so long, just like you, Summer,

The sky's been shrouded for far too long

And The clouds are

 in a constant uproar!

I can't tolerate the unforgiving wind

The sea can't stay put on the shore

~

Hopes rising

And falling

Just like tides

The waves, were locked down

For far too long!

The spell has changed the lunar moods

Can't tell, If we all can play along!

Bit by bit,

like the day crumbling into

The dungeons of night

We are touching

what's the trough of it all

A gentle wish, to rise to the crest

To stay afloat, on the other side

After this mighty, mighty Fall!

***

It has been raining, hasn't it? 

What is like in your part of the world? I am not sure what season it's supposed to be right now, but after years of following a certain pattern, I know that this time of the year is Summer! At least the starting of it, if not the peak!

But there are no signs of it.  A few days back, when it started to feel a little warm, I was a tad relaxed, thinking how this will weaken the virus. They say it doesn't exist beyond 27-30 Deg C. But the temperatures have been dropping and though the idea of summers being cool is welcoming, we want this summer to hit its peak as soon as possible. 

What does humidity do to you? Irritate you? Make you comfortable? What is it?

It's like a bad mixture of two potions. You don't get to taste either blissfully! But one good thing about whatever season / weather the nature has been throwing at us, is the colors in the sky!

I am eternally in love with the colors of the sky! I love taking pictures of the vast azure, I love deciphering how nature speaks to us in different shades. I sometimes feel, I am the sky, expanded infinitely, encompassing all that is, and sometimes, it feels like a mere illusion. You know it's there, but it isn't. Sometimes, like my own existence!

Lockdown Day 1

Amidst all that is happening, I thought, i might as well, journal all that is happening during the times of covid-19.

This is day-5 of isolation for me. From what I see on social media and internet, I know that some people have been indoors for longer than that. It really hit me, when the maids were refused entry in our society. That is how dependent we are on external factors.

Organically my diet reduced to what was ''essential" for survival as compared to treating oneself as  a perk for working hard all through the day. Obviously what followed was also cleaning up after meals and maintaining the house. It had been a long time since I did it all on my own. 

I am sure many would be blogging about what they are doing during this lockdown, but I would like to highlight, how wonderfully my affirmations are manifesting.

During the start of 2020, I picked two words for the year - Consistency and Discipline. Both in the same order and sense. None higher than the other.  This was regarding all that I wanted to do in my life but had missed for very many reasons - Writing being one of them! I had fortunately become consistent with writing lately, of course medium being Instagram or just little musings in my diary.

The idea was to be consistent with one post per day, even if it wasn't publishable. While looking back, and turning the pages of my diary, I noted, that I had indeed made a commitment of being regular on the blog too. But that never happened. It has been ages since I took my writing seriously, though that is the only one thing I want to be known by.

Silly and strange how things become.

I had gotten way to busy, in my professional life that I barely found time to feed my interests some time and energy. Finally this lock-down pushed me to do it.

I wish I could have started jotting down a true account of my isolation right from my Day 1, but better late than never!

Day 5 is not too bad, considering the government extended the lock-down to 21 days starting 24th March Midnight.

Also, one of the more interesting things is that - This is the period of Aries  (the sun-sign). And I love this time of the year. I hope this bring revelations to all of us, great health, cheer and realizations.

Bear with me, as I mend my blog posts, become more consistent with the format and gradually bring in the much needed discipline in publishing it online.

After all, in the times of social media, the beauty of journaling, never fades!

How are you keeping up with the lock-down?

Writer's Un-block!

Courtesy : @Obscureoptimist

Probably one of the finest discussions I've ever had is how does a writer's block undo itself?
It doesn't. Or in a way it does. It's very organic in nature
It slowly creates such a huge vacuum - the absence and lack of words. Then the vacuum keeps expanding and that territory is an absolute new for you. You want to think that you've known it, because it exists inside of you, but you don't

Slowly it creates a restlessness and the need to express arises. This need is precisely from that vacuum and nothing else

And one fine day, at a certain place, time, with a paper and pen you start scribbling, making doodles, in the delusion that you've been in a writer's block for while and nothing will really make you pour your heart out. .
But a strong urge pushes you to word everything down

And knowingly or unknowingly your breakup with words seems reach a climax and the love flows effortlessly

This effortlessness is a place of sheer peace and knowing of oneself

That's when true expressions begin

And the writer's block goes away with the wind!
On. Its. Own!

The Kakeibo - The Japanese Art of Saving Money

This decade began on a really great note!
I came across this book called The Kakeibo which is the Japanese art of saving money and 2 months down, I do see some discipline in my spending.
It suggests asking these 4 very important questions. I wish I knew this before!

Courtesy:  Google Images

As Indians, we used to be very very good at saving money and hence growing them into bigger funds.
Look at what our moms did?
The monthly expenses would also accommodate kitties and savings and thereby the housewives would also successfully end up saving real good money by the end of every month.
Women are therefore known to be great managers. They know the art of minimalism, and running the household lavishly in a middle house income, was a cakewalk!
Our generation, sure lacks this skill. The savings are almost nil and expenses are over the roof. The credit card bills are a pain and the unending loan EMIs leave us with nothing by the 10th of every month. Further, until the end of the month, it sure is a struggle.
I am sure we all are in a similar situation if not same.
Planning Expenses, investments and savings is a skill.


Warren Buffet has quoted :
Do not save what is left after spending; instead spend what is left after saving.

And to follow this one principle, I picked up this book. Kakeibo has really helped me visualize!
Visualization is the first step of achieving something. We have a habit of swiping our cards left right center, losing track of what we spend.
The secret of saving money is to break the month up into weeks and plan for a single week at a time. Further break it into days of the week and plan the days accordingly. This visualization, at the start of month / week is really really helpful.
This exercise has gotten me on a great start to the year and i hope I improve my saving habits.
I highly recommend this book / saving journal to all. I'll revisit this review by the end of 2020 and have an update!
You must invest in this book to begin with, and once it becomes a habit, you can maintain your own ledger
I wish and hope a very happy saving and wonderful plans thereafter~!
Rating : 4/5