Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Diary of a Compulsive Stalker - 2

Read Chapter 1

***

Painters are funny people. I turned out to be one funny chap. Really!!
I received a call the other day for judging an art competition. I laughed hysterically after I hung up on the dean.

"Mr. Zubein, we need artists like you to inspire our students", he said.

I hadn't laughed like this in a long long time. 

"Sure, I'll be there Sir. Please text me all the details", I responded decently.

"I will do that. Also, can I ask you to come for the event inauguration first, and I would be very glad if you could suggest a theme for the painting competition", he demanded more, as I heeded.

"No problem Sir. I shall be there", I had to sound amicable. 

He had bought 17 of my paintings for no good reason. I could go without work for so long only because he gave me money. Of course I don't see it that way. I earned it. But I knew what level of an artist I was. I deserved nothing! None of it - money or respect! But I got it anyway. So I made it a point to enjoy it. Humility pays nothing in this business.

"Sure. I do have something in mind. I'll come and address the students at the inauguration", I assured and continued with my internet browsing.

Social networking has its boons and banes. I looked for Bina's address and found it easily. She stays 4 bus stops away from me. The world is indeed a small place. She keeps checking-in in this one particular Costa Cafe, and I can guess easily that she stays somewhere around that coffee house. 

***

Mom has been a crazy woman ever since she became a mother, I believe.

"Zubi, look at this advertisement. Why don't you attend this interview?", she called out one day.

"Mom, I am not going to turn out like Dad. I don't want to be an accountant, fill ledger books and do the same thing over and over again for 40 years", I reasoned.

"How on earth are you going to have a steady income then?", she questioned.

"Mom, I sold my paintings last month, and with those earnings I can spend lavishly for another 3 months. My paintings go in lakhs. Dr. Diwan paid me 1 and half lakh for 3 paintings alone, last month", I explained.

"This is not a steady income. And which idiot buys paintings of nude girls for 1 and a half lakhs?", she sounded disgusted. 

"That's art Maa. Nude art. I am a graceful painter!", I explained, but failed to. She never understood me or my art. Not even when I tried to tell her about how I felt about certain things.

Nude artists are not appreciated much. I remember the first time I chose to stick with one color only. I used red to paint a woman. Shades of red, on canvas. Painting of a woman I saw in one of the B grade flicks of a South Indian movie. I took a still and painted her. Without clothes. I realized there was something that interested me. The divinity behind the entire creation of women is astonishing. I wanted to appreciate the beauty. I painted her in 3 hours. Straight. Most of the times, the most unassuming women of the lot interest me. This woman was one of them.

"Exquisite", I remember Dev complimenting me.

But I found it senseless. My painting did not impress me. I wanted to feel the rush within for having painted this sensuous woman whom I stared at for 5 hours and painted for 3. But nothing happened. 

Just like Bina. Would painting her mean anything? Would I want to see her naked? Posing for me? I would definitely want that. 

I went to Costa the next evening to find Bina. I wanted to apologize, so that she thinks of me as a good man. I am a good man, mostly, women refuse to agree. Ask Dev, he would vouch for me.

Dev....... Well....!!

"Why did your parents name you Zubein when you are not Muslim", he asked once. That was his very first question when we met. I concluded that this guy wouldn't be easy to deal with. He had already judged me on the basis of my name. 

"My mother was a Muslim, and my father is a Hindu. Now we don't follow any religion", I replied.

"That's weird", he exclaimed.

"What's weird? Religion is complicated. Love is simple. We follow latter", I defended, repeating what mom always said.

"Ok. Makes no sense. But people will think you are Muslim", he said.

"Would that really matter?", I asked.

"I should ask that!", Dev said.

"Well, I don't care. What's in a name after all...", I started quoting Shakespeare.

"....That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet", he concluded.

That's how I knew I could be his friend. He was opinionated. But he was still a guy who could be my friend. 

Bina was not in the cafe, when I entered. It was a weekday. A workday. Why should she be out in a coffee house? She must be at work. Looking pretty, scribbling her name on the newspaper, attending people. I sat there and ordered a coffee for myself.

I looked around. There was a girl who interested me. Unlike a real one, but a girl nonetheless. She kept tapping her foot while one foot rested on the knee of the other. She wore a huge-dialed watch. Her lose sweatshirt, made it difficult for me to categorize her. Her fingers, constantly moving on the phone. No nail paint. Her hair, falling on her face, short, blunt. She wore spectacles, and there was no sign of kohl. But... 

But her fragrance drove me crazy. As I tried to capture her picture on my phone, she looked up and walked towards me, realizing someone was clicking her. I looked at her. Intently. Her waist - brilliant. I was stuck on that.

I heard voices diminishing as she approached....


Dev should never know about this.

***

.....to be contd

Friday, January 24, 2014

Emptiness - 2

Picture Courtesy - Diba Raza
coffee table talks,
pick up lines in trend,
engaging discussions on life
sometimes, jokes on friends of friends!

laughter, joy - immeasurable
spills of drinks on the tray
brownie indulgence, unforgivable
knitting stories day after day

i pass by these coffeehouses
those empty tables stare
a silent laughter echoes, 
pricks a pretty memory somewhere

one day, after wrapping up the chores
and punching in swipe cards
we'll meet in leisure and talk
how life's been kind and hard

time please! from the game
I wonder, when again shall we meet?
these lonely tables, at coffee shop
meanwhile befriend the street!



***



PS: For the paglees in my life! <3





Saturday, January 18, 2014

Latest read!

I'll let the Saturday be silent, without much of a noise.. Here are some quotes from the book I am currently reading.. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Marukami..

“I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it -- to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once. ” 

“What happens when people open their hearts?"..."They get better.” 

“The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living.” 

“I've never met a girl who thinks like you."
"A lot of people tell me that," she said, digging at a cuticle. "But it's the only way I know how to think. Seriously. I'm just telling you what I believe. It's never crossed my mind that my way of thinking is different from other people's. I'm not trying to be different. But when I speak out honestly, everybody thinks I'm kidding or playacting. When that happens, I feel like everything is such a pain!” 

“It just happens to be the way that I'm made. I have to write things down to feel I fully comprehend them.  

And that's why I am totally loving this book.. I don't know if I am a good reviewer, because I end up loving all the books I read, but if these quotes inspire anyone, please do read the book! :)

Happy Weekend! :) 

Friday, January 17, 2014

Diary of a Compulsive Stalker - 1

"Zubein", I introduced myself as I stopped at the reception. 

"Please wait there Sir, while I let Mr. Tiwari know that you are here", she pointed at the seating area. 

Orange nail paint! White skin. Her fingers were beautiful. I thought, why didn't her face appeal at first? I stopped. Turned back. And looked. Looked at her. Her hair - tinge of brown. Eyes, un-kohled. Drab. Nose. Lips. I stared some more. I wanted her looks to attract me. I tried harder. Neck -sleek. A beautiful diamond pendant adorned the chain she wore. Did I notice her lips? I went up a tad. Stared. Just gloss - neat.... down to neck.... pendant!!  A nice neckline...further down.... Her breasts. I stared. How were they, I examined carefully as layers of clothes took its shape. 

"Excuse me Sir!", she interrupted. I looked up. Her face looked red, forehead tensed. Offended, was she?  Of course. I was staring, wasn't I? But what was it about her? Why wasn't she appealing? I had my questions. I wanted to explore more. So, where was I? Breasts. Yes! I looked down again. Decent, I concluded.. And..

"SIR", she yelled this time. I stood looking at her face, studying the details of her features. 

"Please leave!", she ordered. I continued looking at her. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. I smiled. I knew there would be ruckus after this. I silently picked up my bag, took the newspaper lying on her desk and left. I smiled at the watchman on my way out. 

I looked at the newspaper. "Bina Raj". There were repeated signatures in red ink, over the headlines. It was her name. A chill went down my spine. Her face didn't do that to me, what her name did. Bina Raj. I tried to recollect her face. I had forgotten already. 

While the lift zoomed down, I felt free, gravity playing its part. The whooshing sound of the fan was interrupted by Dev's call. I smiled. He always had the perfect timing. 

"So, when is it going to begin?", he asked, authoritatively. 

"I left already", I said as-a-matter-of-fact-ly.

"What? You had the call letter. They didn't let you in?", he questioned.

"I didn't reach till... you know...the interviewer", I started explaining.

"Why? Last when I called you said you were in the lift going to the office reception", he demanded an explanation.

"The candidate was already selected, so they asked me to leave", I told believably. He bought it.

"Oh no!", he was more disappointed than I was. Or was I?

"Zubein, you have to do something. Aunty keeps calling me up and says that you are not getting proposals for marriage because you don't have a steady income", he began the same old story.

"Blah, blah, blah, Dev", I interrupted. "I will get married when I want to. 30 is not an age where I have to start worrying about spending life and dying alone.", I used my usual guard. 

"Ok Ok.. We can talk about it later. Anyway, so what else? Anything interesting?", he changed the topic.

"Bina Raj", I said.

"Who is Bina Raj?", he asked. 

"Meet me this weekend, I'll introduce you to her", I replied.

"So you are making progress.. eh?. Aunty will be happy! Hope Bina doesn't have a problem with your unstable income", Dev teased. 

"Unstable income? Watch how she falls for me now", I reassured. 

Fall for me? Hahahaha.. No girl would fall for me. I am "Perversion Personified". I don't say it. Once a girl told me that. That's a nice description. I love titles. Specially given by women. Because they don't seem to give me anything else. So titles... so be it!

I hadn't fallen for that receptionist yet. Nothing about her interested me, except her name. Bina. Is it even an interesting name? Perhaps for my painting. I can call one of my paintings Bina. But what was wrong with her? She had the perfect set of fingers. Prettiest nail color, and...

May be I was pulled away before I could analyse her anatomy -below that diamond pendant. So, where do you live, Bina darling? 

www.facebook.com. My nerves ease, as I open her Facebook page and browse her pictures...

Dev should never know about this.

***

....to be contd.

Read Chapter 2

***

PS: 'Fictional Fridays' will feature the serial fiction -"Diary of a Compulsive Stalker" (DOACS), every Friday. This is chapter 1. Stay glued for more.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Winter Blues

Picture Courtesy: Diba Raza


Walk a mile with me!
Will you?

That day when pieces of trust
lay on the floor,
My belief in love fogged
I cared for nothing more.

And how you knelt down
to a stranger with a lilac face
Cold, frozen, looking for -
a heart beat, a human trace

And then you walked by! 
Were you looking for your pieces too?
Broken pencils, fragile pages
green eyes- teary, your face colored blue!

It rained in my heart that day
as the city sunk in an unforgiving cold
the warmth began to dawn on me and you
as clouds began to unfold

A truth turned into a fiction
A fiction became true
A long path awaits
Walk a mile with me!
Will you?

***

PS: Cheers to winters! Only cold weather appeals, not cold people! Wishing everyone the warmth of love, life and wonder, this winter! :)

Monday, January 13, 2014

Good Old Days!


Picture Courtesy : Pooja Cornelius

The sillage of the pages of a dated book
The corners dog eared - the disdain look
Once I found a message from a George to a Susan
I kept the treasure safe, as the rack shook

From the roadside, piling up on used-reads
I would breathe the dust, along with my creed
"Kill a mocking bird" for a few rupaiahs, they'd yell
Gimme some more for less, I'd plead

Those days, collection of books wouldn't suffice
More the merrier, it would be the holiest prize
Today, I have dozens - a hundred and two
I can read them, but just on a device

The piles are heavier, but not intense
the pages shine, all in pretense
I wish to go back to those hard-bound days
when stories on pages made more sense

And so for my memoirs, I write to tell
There was once a time, when we all read well
now books are business, downloads - fun
Alas! Technology is where sanity dwells..

Thursday, January 09, 2014

Emptiness

Picture Courtesy: Pooja Cornelius


Slurrp! Those bothersome sips
From the hot chocolate, twirling on the table
That would thrust me into the depths of illusions -

That there would be a world
Free of erratic sights and unpleasant sounds!
I'd fancy that world - silent and depopulated.

But chaos is a pattern, and it keeps coming back
Unlike my illusions - it stays!

And it tells me, someday,
This chair would be occupied.

My coffee mug - filled again
My heart would be - intense with love
And our talks - a spree!

That day emptiness and silence
Will only rest in my imagination

And you would walk by
Creating a chaos
Filling - the empty chair
-The silence
-And my heart!

Monday, January 06, 2014

New year!

When I look at my blog archive, I feel a sense of euphoria. A small one, but I still do. I have been on a downhill, when it came to number of posts published on this blog.  But 2013, saw a slight steep, and I pray it grows to a higher number as this year progresses. Last year I had 5 more blog posts than the year before last, and it isn't satisfactory. I have so much to express, but two-timing is a sin they say. Maintaining multiple blogs, drains one out. So all in all, I want to say, that this is a resolution. To maintain this blog better than I did last year.

I am a neat liar when it comes to making up stories. I do not lie to my people, but this entire blog, most of the times thrives on my figment of imagination which is nothing close to reality. Hence it's not true, it is a lie and so metaphorically relative of the truth! 

I always remember what my class 6 English teacher once told me. If you want to lie, write stories. And I have been doing just that ever since! :)

So more lies this year, definitely, because a lot is cooking up! :)

While I get started on other things, apart from blogging, I wish you all a very Adventurous and Exciting New Year.. to make this year happy, or sad, is up to us! :)

Cheers!

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