Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Readers Speak

Today is the day of feedback.  Since I do not have the comment form added in my posts, the readers cannot post comments. I had to remove it, because there were a lot of spam comments in my inbox, with people promoting their websites and products. And I was very bored of moderating all that. I thought, if people who genuinely wanted to convey their comments, they would do it anyway. 

I get a lot of comments about the posts I write, but these two are worth mentioning on the blog! :) I don't want to mention comments like "Well written", "Great posts". Because, they are just motivational comments. I am thankful for all of them too. But when people express their opinions, it makes more sense to me, and I feel grateful that the post made someone think! So I am going to mention two comments, which are not compliments or anything, but more than that! :)

***

This one was by Dipti, on the post "Love and Lust".

Marriage starts with lust, but love blossoms. It is said that love makes you accept good and bad of the person..it does, but love becomes mutual when you are ready to change for the other person. You included an example of smoking. 

For the person I love, I would want to live a life with him, hence would not even want him to fall ill for a day, let alone be something more. If I stop him for something like that, and want to change, it is love. Love is mutual.. and wanting to change for good..

Your opinion does matter to the other person if its love. If he cares too, he is bound to change. Love is sealed, hence mutually. 

I perhaps missed the point of one being "open to change" and that ofcourse is the part and parcel of "Love". Rigidity doesn't really work in relationships. I appreciate, Dipti brought up that point! :)

***

And the next very interesting comment was on my post Feedback. I really loved this part! 


For most of the post, I thought OMG!!! Ayn Rand has you!!!! But, from this paragraph onwards the comments are mentioned below:

I would take the feedback positively and make sure, my posts don't appear so hateful. It's true I am capable of a lot of good, than just being sarcastic. But I am one, and I can't hide my bad side, if at all it is labelled as bad. I am what I am, and I will be what I feel is right. Others may disagree, and question my intentions! 
Don’t take the feedback positively!!!! Don’t ‘make sure your posts don’t appear so hateful’!!! A person is eating a Chicken leg piece and enjoying its taste to the fullest. His friend watching him eat absolutely loathes him… because he/she is vegetarian. Another friend cannot wait to get his/her hands on the leg piece and is jealous that the man is having it all by himself…. Because this friend is a non-vegetarian. The problem here is being vegetarian or non-vegetarian. 

There is nothing wrong with the person who made the chicken piece the way it is. The cook should not prepare the leg piece in a different manner or make it appear different because the vegetarian hated it. 

As I always said, good and bad are relative terms, life should not be looked at that way. 

Let's all concentrate more on Love, which is very essential today. Sarcasm, can be saved for twitter ;)

LOVE!!!!! Oh no!!!! dog’s tail. Love is an adulterated version of lust. Period!!!! 

***

So keep, the comments coming. I would love to have discussions with you all, over gtalk, FB, whenever whereever you catch me. Let's talk, explore other aspects, tell me how you feel about these topics, and then I would have another interesting post on the blog! That's how it works! :)

PS: the colored part is the comment by the readers and the italics portions are parts from my post for which the comment is applicable!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

People who die young

Today is Tuesday, and I have nothing interesting to write.  But I do have something to write about. Yesterday, I got a mail about a colleague, aged 25-26, who passed away in an accident. I did not know him very well. He used to work in our office and had left the job to pursue his education in one of the IIMs.

I only remember him from that one interaction I had. Once there was this exhibition/fun fare organised by the employees in our office. He had a stall for CRY. He was promoting the NGO and all those who were interested could become a part of it through the already existing volunteers. He was one of them. I went to the stall, and inquired everything about how to make the donation for CRY. I was to give him a cheque the next day. Somehow, I couldn't meet him, and I made the payment online. That was the  only interaction I had with him. 

He was known to be someone who was very active in social service and similar kind of activities. And when I heard the news, I felt  really bad. For his family and for all the people who will now be deprived of his care and love. I hardly knew him, but I knew, world was definitely a  better place with people like him around, but not anymore.

This isn't the first time, that I have had questions like these in my mind. Why do good people have to die so early. I totally understand and know the concept of Karma and that they have finished their cycle here, and are on another journey. All fair! But, seriously, the world needs such people. 

I am someone who will only help in her capacity. I do not go out of my way to help others. If I have no food to cook and eat, I do not go about feeding others. That's the most practical approach, according to me. But there are people who live by that rule. They feel, if someone else out there is hungry and dying, how can one eat heartily and sleep peacefully.

These are the kind of people who are taken away too soon. There are some who bring about a change by talking and giving speeches, but there are some, who silently do their part without saying, mentioning anything. And when you hear a news such as this, it really makes one feel bad! 

A few days back, I read about a man, a librarian who donated all his earnings to the poor. It takes immense strength to do that for other people, who are not your own. For the sake of humanity, people do things like these and I believe they are exceptional God sent souls. Truly respectable. But when they face such nemesis, I question Justice and the Laws of the Universe. It's all meaningless. I know all the answers to my questions. The Karma one does, the fruit one gets -  it's an unending cycle which shall make sense if I see the bigger picture.

All wonderful people die too soon I feel. And the ones who deserve to die still hang around and corrupt the air! I wish there was more justice. Perhaps there already is, I am too small to understand the bigger meaning behind all this.

Incidences like these, makes me appreciate whatever I have, even more. There have been times, when i have complained incessantly. But, living, being alive, itself is the biggest gift ever! And people who want to die, because they have failed in exams, or relationships, they should know, some people want to live and do so much, but they don't get to! 

And if we are alive instead of those who should have been alive-  those who indeed had a purpose, we should be thankful!

Monday, October 28, 2013

Feedback!

I have been writing Tangy Tuesday posts lately, and the last one that I wrote, seemed a little hateful - Muse, A-muse. Yes, it was. I don't hate people (Hate is a very powerful emotion. This calls for another post on this topic!), but I make fun of them. I seriously love it, when I pass sarcastic comments on people whom I do not appreciate. 

Of course I am not a perfect human being and there are people who upset me. And there are times when I want to show them the mirror, but I am not someone who judges people. I let them be the way they are. But my rage or feelings need to find a place. Therefore I rant it out, here! 

Is it their attitude towards life, their face, their negativity - I have no clue what affects me. But, I feel better, if I write it down. But today I had someone tell me that my posts do not inspire her. 

Frankly I have never written anything on the blog for the readers. Invariably, I got a few followers anyway, is something I am very thankful for. But I have been a selfish writer and I maintain a blog for myself. I have this competition with myself alone. I do not vie for n number of followers and n number of comments. My blog hardly does rounds on the blog forums and platforms. I just share my posts on FB, because there are some genuine readers who seek updates. No comments or hits on the site, bother me at all. 

Yes, I do appreciate when I get feedback, but I do not blog to get one. So, today I was told by one of my readers that my writing is usually inspiring but I let down the expectations with horrible posts like Muse, A-Muse. 

Point noted. 

Now, there were some people who told me that the post was very nice. I got very good feedback about that post. But, I was forced to dissect the intention of someone telling me that the post was uninspiring. If you read it as a third person, the post looks amusing. But if you read it as someone for whom it was meant, then may be it would be hurtful. Empathizing is very important aspect of living, I feel. And my reader, did exactly that, and got back to me and told me that how cruel it sounded.

My intention is never to promote hate or ill feeling through my blog. It is just for myself, and entertainment of others. If this blog has something to give, please take it, else, there are hundred other bloggers who write with an intention of preaching. I am just not suitable and fit to preach about better topics, so I just rant the state of a human mind, my mind, which questions everything, anything and comments accordingly. 

I would take the feedback positively and make sure, my posts don't appear so hateful. It's true I am capable of a lot of good, than just being sarcastic. But I am one, and I can't hide my bad side, if at all it is labelled as bad. I am what I am, and I will be what I feel is right. Others may disagree, and question my intentions! 

Yes, setting out any negativity in the universe is bad, I totally agree. But there are millions who are already doing it by creating thoughts in their heads, without speaking them out. At least I honestly write about the way I feel and deal with negativity. I don't conspire and spoil lives. Yes, one spoiled  post is all that's ever gonna come out! 

But sure, I understand the importance of writing the good stuff on my blog, because there are people whom I don't even know, read this. I don't fear judgment, but I would never want anyone to misconstrue my writing as "Hate Posts".

Let's all concentrate more on Love, which is very essential today. Sarcasm, can be saved for twitter ;)

Monday, October 21, 2013

That night...

Picture Courtesy : Diba Raza
That night..

I held Time
and committed a crime
of asking the night to stay..
The darkness harked
as the universe larked
and slowly it went away..

Then I..

Challenged the moon
to dance to the tune
as the wind began to play..
Slowly, mystery shrouded
as the azure was clouded
they took the moon away..

Even though...

I knew I could
do something good
and turn the tide my way..
The seas refused
as the stars diffused 
they said they wouldn't stay..

And how...

Could I ever
be a little clever?
and make them heed, if I may!
Against the rule
can I ever fool
and mock the Mighty display?

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Pain and Punjabi Music

Since over a week I am in a lot of pain. Heel pain. The doctor who comes at work told me, that may be I could have a ligament tear, because I am unable to walk. At all. She suggested me the usual X-rays, ortho consult blah blah blah.. Following that, she suggested wearing proper footwear etc. Frankly, I did not see an ortho, because I thought if I was able to manage anyway, it probably wasn't that bad. But it was.

To push myself further, I exercised daily since last one week, and there was a point, and that point came today, that it ached so so much that my feet started feeling numb. Totally. While dancing, I couldn't feel my feet at all. The knees kept hurting all the more, and I just did not know what to do.

I go for this aerobics classes, where Thursdays they teach us Bollywood style. So, for over 30 minutes, I danced in pain and then "I've become so numb" started playing in my head as my body realized that perhaps the feet have separated from my body, and I am just on my knees.

After dancing to all latest Bollywood songs, the trainer put Punjabi tracks. This is usually my favorite part. I was torn down completely. Tears, almost trickling down, because of the unbearable pain. But then, Bhangra began. I usually follow all steps and dance my heart out in the second half of the class. I had no idea, why Punjabi music was so liberating until today.

The song began :

Taare ginn ginn yaad'ch teri main ta jaaga raata nu
rokh na pawan akhiya wicho gham diya barsaata nu


I had never concentrated on the lyrics, assuming I would never understand them. The beats were so catchy that I loved this particular song anyway. It was a party song after all, I thought. 


Since it was Punjabi, I never understood the lyrics. I had never even tried. But today, with every step, I tried to feel my feet, my heartbeat, my breathing pattern and the lyrics. And, for the first time, I realized I was dancing to a sad song and it felt so so good. At more than one levels, that was the kind of pain I felt.

Dil jalake roshan kita mein ta teri adaawa nu
Pipp leh ke mein challeya tere wal sigdhiya thandiya chawa nu
 

Samajh na paayi kyu tu mere pyaar bhare jazbaata nu
Rokh na pawaan akhiya wicho gham diya barsaata nu



Ishq Tera tadpaave...


And as the song ended, I felt liberated. I could feel my feet, I could feel the pain had subsided in the other parts of my body too, and I could feel my heart beating normally, my feet relaxed, my breathing controlled and my spirit brightened.

Sometimes, when you make a celebration of your pain, it all seems pretty. Fireworks. Dancing. Happiness. Freedom.

That's why I have a new found love for Punjabi Music! For more reasons than one. The pain, has really really gone!

And if it ever comes back, then Thursday does come once a week! :)

The One

'I am bored to death! Not doing anything related to project.'

'Why? So tell me more, are you missing her?'

'Yes, but not working is not because of her. '

'Ok '

'On the contrary, if I work on the project I will not miss her'

'So, are you missing her, or are you missing the attention?'

'Hmmm... what I am missing the most is a purpose. Or Goal.....What's missing in your life? If there is anything?'

'Ummmm.....'

***
'Just a thought, let me know what do you think?'

'What?'

'Love is an adulterated version of lust'

*pause*

'Naah. I don't agree'

***

'Blogpost on Love and Lust will be up in sometime.'

'One day I shall file a lawsuit on you for copyright infringement'

'I had to make my point, because I don't agree to that statement.'

'Let me know how many people have acknowledged that they read the post. How many of them have asked who made that statement? How many of them are good looking females?'

'How does that matter? You write your version, I will publish that! '

'My version is already published. Love is an adulterated version of lust. Period.'

'Love and lust cannot be compared. Period again.'

'I really really hope there is someone who will meet all the above requirements..'

***

Someone believes that there will be someone who will think exactly the way he thinks about Love and Lust. 

Somewhere, someone else is looking for someone who understands what a treat black coffee is. 

Some place else, someone is waiting for the excitement in life, which was long missing, and seeking it seems to be the only purpose in life.

We all are in a perpetual lookout for that ONE. Everyone has different definitions of 'The One'. Morpheus was looking for Neo. For him, Neo was the one. 

I am looking for a person who is calmness personified so that I find peace. That thing or person is MY ONE. 

No one ever stops looking for THE ONE, which makes us have a purpose in life. Most of us do not even know what is the purpose of our lives. I don't know either. Perhaps, if I have 'The One' then defining the purpose would become easier. 

This is an unending topic, and perhaps, this is just the beginning!

Btw, Who is John Galt? ;) ;)

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

wo khat ke purze...



©Yamini

Wo khat ke purze uda raha tha
Hawao ka rukh dikha raha tha

 

Kuch aur bhi ho gaya numaya
Main apna likha mita raha tha
Hawao ka rukh dikha raha tha


-Gulzaar Saab

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Muse, A-muse

You know what, I have a muse. Or may be I have muses. I like to write on a few people, about a few people, and they inspire me. But I have never mentioned about someone who is an integral part of my Amusement. She is my A-muse. 

So so amusing, that at one point, I decided to kick her flat arse with a big fat baseball bat, but then I realized  it's very difficult to get a baseball bat in India. We don't play baseball. The American series and sitcoms have really made me believe that we are more or less, you know, Americans. Well, that aside, coming back to my amusement, I wanna smack her with something so hard, that her brains shift back to where they were supposed to be. But, well, if they stay right where they are, I can keep having my little amusement! >:D <EVIL GRIN>

At one point in life I was so fed up of this thing, my a-muse - oh well, let me begin all over. I have an object for amusement. I give it the female gender, because of it's appearance  It could be given a benefit of doubt and be called a male too, at times, but well, I call it "her". She is an Object nonetheless. Just a pretty little object. No human traits, otherwise, just cold, insensitive, speechless, emotionless little object. And I have hated it for a while.

But, I realized  the likes of Rumi, and Osho made me realize - that hate is futile. But humor is fun! The best way to hate someone is to make fun of them. Ouch, that hurt, didn't it. I was always this sarcastic champion in my head. I wouldn't blurt out expressions, fearing judgments and opinions, but what the heck, my blog, my a-muses and my comments. Who cares.

So among all the muses- the lovely ones, I have this one ugly A-muse. No no, don't judge me for being so cruel and commenting on her looks. She looks pretty. That's why people fall for her. All pretty objects attract all cruel intentions, don't they! 

But I know about all the ugliness and much funnier things that are really actually associated with her, that makes me wanna call her A-muse. She really amuses me. So, that's what she's gonna be. All of us, have one or the other a-muses in our lives. 

Let's face it. We do. I am someone's a-muse and I couldn't be happier if someone came and told me that they hate me so much that they wanna make fun of me! I'd be so thankful for considering me to be a source of entertainment for gloomy souls. 

But if someone who thinks I am their a-muse, and they hate me, and instead of making fun of me, they conspire to make my pretty awesome life miserable, then.............. I usually don't do much! I just get back, make them my A-muse and make fun of them! :D 

There is no greater satisfaction in laughing over how certain people all of a sudden start appearing like objects. Objects you could, kick, throw, and play with! :D

My poetic side hardly comes out, at such times, when I see these A-muses. They make me wanna introduce Baseball in India. Seriously! Where the hell do we get those bats! No, don't suggest hockey sticks. They might just break! 

I was almost thinking of making a separate tag for my A-muse, but does she deserve so much importance? Well, she does. She has changed my life so drastically, that she does need at least a tag, if not a big blow! I can give her that! She'd have place at least somewhere!

***

Well, I am not really that person, you know! I just rant at times, and I find that I am better off paying attention to my muses than trying to accommodate poor A-muse somewhere. It's true that, that object has occupied a huge space in my head, and needs to find a drain out.
This is it, I feel. I put that b*a** out of my mind, and into this post. She has been awfully amusing, and I hope she makes way for my creatives juices, so that I fall deeper and deeper in love with my muses.

And of course whenever I need Amusement, I know I always have that one perfect A-muse! And I don't wanna ever lose her! Seriously! 

Monday, October 14, 2013

would you come back?

Picture Courtesy : Diba Raza

the happiness that i held
between my fingers
like the grains of sand,
has slid away
the colors have faded
the eyes are jaded
The dreams have gone astray

you said you'd return
after the enemy's vanquished
on our wedding day
you promised you'd come
and i had just begun
counting the sun rays

the pretty bangles you gave
i kept it with care
hadn't worn since your birthday
they say you are gone
my heart's forlorn
see, i have them on, today

would you come back
to the fragrance of henna
and never color me gray?
they say they've sold
my dreams of gold
have you really gone away?

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Love and Lust

This morning, was a pleasant one. I love Tuesdays  especially when someone pings you with something which makes you think. Think and then blog too! 

***
S: 'Just a thought, let me know what do you think?'

Me : 'What?'

S: 'Love is an adulterated version of lust'

*pause*

Me: 'Naah. I don't agree'
***

Well, I really don't. I think love and lust have no comparison. Lust has no elements of love, and love has no element of lust. They are mutually exclusive. I am no expert to comment about either topic, but obviously I have my opinions on this too. I was made to think about this topic and I guess, some point in time I may end up having a discussion about this with someone or the other. Else how would pleasant coffee-evenings or dinners, pass? 

Love, according to me, is a noun and a verb both. It is very important to feel it first and then enact it. Now what is the "feeling" love that we talk about. The prime example of the situation is the love of the Mother for the child. But I have spoken about this analogy a hundred times in my blog and I do not want to repeat that. Well, then lets talk in terms of the love between two people. So, if I love someone, I accept the other person as he/she is. I can only love when I can accept. So, the noun form of the verb according to me, gives you a feeling of peace within when you accept. I can be in love with someone and I may hate certain qualities of that person. But despite that, I take the person as they are, without wanting to change them.

I remember asking one of my friends who's married and is a full time mom. I asked her, what is that happens after marriage. You were so happy right after your marriage, both of you, inseparable, crazy and clinging on to each other all the time?

Now why are things so different after 7 years of marriage. The explanation that she gave really made a lot of sense to me. 

She said, initially, it's always the exploring part in a relationship. Not just marriage, but any relationship. You spend around a year or two knowing each other. You get to know this new person, you concentrate on all the good points and you feel so great about how the other person appreciates you and how you appreciate the other person. 

But after 2 years, when you are done appreciating, you realize that the other person has a lot of negatives too. We all do! no one's perfect!

So the first two years, you spend in knowing the person, and the rest of the life, you spend in trying to change them. 

Well, to me it sounded like a perfect explanation. That's why marriages or affairs or relationships become drab after a while. And that's why some of them fail. You stop appreciating and you start trying to change things, so that they mould as per your convenience. But is that fair? 

Wouldn't it be better, if the couples accepted each other the way they were. Now, a few of my girl friends would say, 'he smokes. How am I wrong if I ask him to quit smoking'.

I feel, anyone who smokes, has taken that decision for himself and that is very personal decision. No smoker smokes without knowing the repercussions of smoking. That's just one  example. You want the best for your partner and in the process you end up demanding a change and the other person may not be ready for it. Manipulation degrades a relationship.

So, convenience takes over and then there is no love. If it were love, you would take the other person as he/she is, without expecting them to change for you. Acceptance is love and love is acceptance.

Now, coming to the verb part of Love. It involves a variety of things, the foremost being "Giving". You give, when you love and when you give, you know that you may get nothing in
return. That makes it unconditional. So the act of loving begins with giving. So that eases out the explanation of love, I wonder how many would agree. But this is my basic understanding, as far as I have understood, lived and loved. 

Expressions of love are various. If you are in love, you would know, personally, which medium is the best for you. Some chose silence, some people send messages, some kiss, hug, some make love and express it. But in the whole process, you give. That's the beauty of love.

Now coming to lust. Lust is a very pure and selfish feeling. I have always believed that all evil feelings are absolutely pure. You think about yourself alone, when you "lust'. Lust in itself has no adulteration, I feel.

Lust is sheer attraction pushing you to do the extremes. 

The chances that it will have an element of love is very rare. It begins with attraction and ends with sex, most of the cases, if it is mutual. Else, you have these crimes, all result of lust. 

It may trigger love in some cases. I have seen movies and series, in which this concept was used. The couple begin their relationship with lust, but end up falling in love with each other. 

Lust can be a trigger for love, but definitely it is not Love in any form, when you talk about it as s single factor.

Again most of the times, when two people 'lust' each other, they misconstrue it as love. There is no sense of responsibility, no acceptance, no giving, no surrender, there is sheer physical intimacy. They go public and call it a relationship, so that society accepts them. That's when the problem begins, and things begin to fall apart when the "think" they are in "love". Whereas, it's just physical compatibility and nothing else.

So, I feel, the very statement, that 'Love is an adulterated version of Lust', may perhaps be false, in itself, but when people portray Lust as Love, you cannot help but make that statement.

The statement, sadly in itself holds true, only apparently, but technically, it is impossible to call Love as an adulteration of Lust.

There are so many other aspects to this topic, and this one post is not going to suffice. Perhaps, if I have few versions,  few more opinions, I can make a series of the topic and publish different views. 

Meanwhile! I'll just end the post here. Hope I made my point. :)

***

PS: There is a contact form box on the Right side bar of the blog. I could post your comments as a next blog post, with/without your name, as you wish. Feel free to post in a mail there and let me know what you all think! :)

PPS: comments for the posts have been disabled.. :) you can write to me though, as mentioned above :P

Monday, October 07, 2013

Hide and Seek

Picture Courtesy : Diba Raza



her romance with the lens
is one of a kind
she holds it like
i'd hold a rose
her smile - surreal
with all cares composed

a hue of red
in her eyes,
an exburence of gold
in her flight
I remember that day -
I wore a yellow
she silently gazed,
clicked a song within me -
like, on a cello

and I sung
absconding into 
the zephyr behind the curtains
she followed with her lens
- her blissful burden

Hide and seek of the romance
began
Impervious, she stood for a second -
longer than a span

she was like apricity
I - petrichor
and we glistened in the ecstasy
wanting for more

the arrogance, special
yet futile
pushed us for more
for some more miles
more, some more miles

and then we rested...

***

PS: Meanings of the lovely words I used in the poetry.
Apricity : warmth of sun in winter
Petrichor: scent of rain on dry earth
impervious: impenetrable. 
zephyr : a gentle breeze

PPS: This is my 400th post on the blog! :)

Friday, October 04, 2013

The moment

'With my best friend's wife.....  Yes ! I did it!', Shekhar sighed, tension evident on his forehead. He was tired of brooding over it.

 His eyes looked strained and his hair messed up. He was totally confused. He was in a situation where he always wanted to be, but never thought he would actually be!

'But that was just a moment. I had resisted it so so well until the last moment. And then....', he went on trying to explain himself.

'...and then what? You failed? You chose betrayal over loyalty. A man like you is nothing but a sad chunk of selfishness', she exclaimed.

Rina was not behaving the way she should have. She yelled. Not just decently, but with an air of disgust.

'Do you even know how Tarun would feel, if he came to know?', Rina questioned authoritatively. 

'I have no idea', Shekhar randomly replied not understanding what Rina had asked.

'Rina, there is a reason I am here. Not to be yelled at, but to be understood. Do you understand me?', Shekhar pleaded calmly.

'I wish I could. How do I understand you at all? You bowl me over again and again with your acts', she said.

'Oh come, on. That's not what I want to hear right now!', Shekhar said. He wasn't sad, he just wanted to have a reassurance.

'I thought you were.. I thought, you... Anyway', she left the sentence hanging. 

'Yes. I am here, in this situation. I want you to listen to me, not as a friend who'd judge. But as an unbiased listener. I need to get this out of my system', Shekhar stared around not looking into Rina's eyes, and wondering how could he turn back the time and undo what he had done. 

'Meet me at the clinic today evening. We'll talk about it', Rina said. Rina was a family counsellor and Shekhar's confidante.

***

There are times when you ask for an apple and you get an apple muffin instead. You enjoy it anyway. After enjoying it, you realize  perhaps an apple would have been better. But then, it's too late. Somebody made a muffin of that apple and offered you, and you ate it too. So the story is almost kinda over, and there is nothing much that you can do about it, than just enjoy the taste. Or perhaps, next time, you can be very sure that if you get a muffin, you'd say no. Because you've wanted an Apple, the fruit - Apple, all the time. Not a muffin! But there is NO NEXT TIME!

That's where Adam and Eve failed. And Newton discovered Gravity. All so interlinked, strangely so, but interlinked nonetheless. Did I mention, about gravity, attraction, being discovered and apple playing a pivotal role. Well, yeah! Needless to mention! We allll Knoww! 

***

'Shekhar, you should eat something, before we start', Rina offered him a box of cookies. 

'You know what happened last weekend?', Shekhar began.

'Ok, you want to start right away? You look very drab. Take a bite of this, here...and coffee... take a sip and we'll talk', Rina offered him coffee, as he stared into oblivion. 

'The captain knew I was not a defensive player. We had to make 120 runs. and I had to stick', Shekhar started talking. 

'Ohkay, and Tarun? His wife?', Rina questioned.

'Tarun knows it. I told him..', Rina looked a littled startled. 'I made 45 runs. I told him', Shekhar went on.

'6 wickets down, we had to make 120 runs. We had overs in hand, but no wickets', Shekhar started explaining every detail.

Rina couldn't help but wonder what was going on. She wanted to conclude that Shekhar had lost his mind. He was turning into this mad man, who couldn't forgive himself for making out with his best friend's wife. 

'I was asked to play defensively. I am not this person, you know, Rina', he looked at her.

'I don't play defensively. I am striker. I hit or I leave the crease. Get out. Bowled. Caught. Stumped. But I don't defend', Shekhar said.

Rina was surprised but she pretended to listen intently. She knew Shekhar played cricket, she also knew he was very good at it, but she had no idea, why he was talking about it.

'But, captain told me to take it slow. It made sense. It really did. I wanted to take it real slow. Stay there win the match. We had overs. But I had to stay there.. just hang in..If I got out, we would lose.', Shekhar slipped into the past. 

Rina had heard the cricket stories before too. She had seen a few matches as well, and she knew what an aggressive player Shekhar was. When he was narrating the instance, she realized  he was trying to make a point. It intrigued her further. 

'And then?', Rina asked Shekhar to go on.

'I played well. I scored a decent 45. And after a patient wait, we were down to last wicket and 6 runs to win', he said, tension reflecting in his eyes. 

'When the bowler paced towards me, I knew, I had to take it slow, but then...then.. he tempted me to no ends', Shekhar stuck right there. 

'Then?', Rina asked.

'Something, something triggered, Rina, and I went for a big hit. I wanted to hit it out of the stadium', Shekhar.

'So, did you win or not?' Rina sounded intrigued.

'No! I was bowled! We lost! All the efforts I took to build up the score, all lost because of my impulse', Shekhar gasped for breath.

'The last few minutes. Those last few minutes, I gave up all that I built patiently', he said and looked thoughtful.

'That's bad', Rina exclaimed. 

'That one moment Rina, that one moment. I wished I had put in a little more thought', Shekhar sounded angry.

'That's what happened with her, you know. I knew she was Tarun's wife. I knew this was wrong. I knew I had to act sane and not heed to any of her demands. I knew Tarun is my best friend. But....', he stopped thinking about something.

'She approached, and that moment, I gave up all the patience i had built. I lost the match! This is not what was supposed to happen. I wish I could undo all of it', he said.

Rina heard him out. 

'What do you want to do next, Shekhar? Have you thought about it? ', Rina asked.

Shekhar picked up his phone from the table, dialed a number and left the room.. 

Rina smiled. She exactly knew what the guy was upto. She was reaffirmed of the fact why she was still friends with Shekhar. 

She picked up a cigarrette, lit it, and reclined in the chair, smiling, thinking about how easy life becomes when you learn to bare it all... 

The fags created a halo. Evil, but honest halos. 

if there were no dreams

  if there were no dreams the permanence would slowly take over and the little escapes into the terrain of subconscious existence would deli...