Thursday, June 30, 2011

What's your Phyisical Address?

Some thing really funny happened, and our dear Friend Rudy ended up in a laughter, finally exclaiming, “Bolo, Aisa Bhi Hota Hai”..

Here’s the snippet, straight from Rudy.

Last week, we were asked to filled up a sheet containing the following items.
So, a Mr X sitting in location HB04A037W (The workstations are given names like these) gave the following information:


Sr No:      18
Name:     Mr. X
Login Name :      xyz
Software License no:  1234567
Software Version:        2011
TID:          T2011XYZ
Project Code:   OR9999
Project Name: ABHH Updates (:P)
Machine #:        D-0000
Physical Address (MAC):   HB04A037W


I hope everyone knows what a MAC address is – its related to your Ethernet card. So this Mr. X filled the MAC add as his physical location (His Workstation address) and everyone followed his steps not knowing what a MAC add is. The best part is they didn’t even ask what it was and blindly filled in their “Physical Address” lol :P.

One ignorant fellow, led everyone else to do the same!! And where did this happen? – In an IT company.. who did it??- Engineers!!


Ab Bolo – aisa bhi hota hai :D :P!!!                                                                                  

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Baby Sitting

I called my sister one morning and asked her, "Kidhar hai?"

She replied, "Going to Daddu's."

I asked why?

She said candidly ,"Aaj daddu ko baby sit karna hai".Uncle and Aunty had gone out for some work.

I laughed momentarily but realised, that is how life is. You grow with age once and then you ungrow and become a baby again.
What our daddu used to do to us when we were kids, we need to do it to him now, at an age of 92.

Nonetheless, I am sure we cannot state what a pleasure it is to baby sit him, like it was a pleasure for him to baby sit his grand kids.

And how cutely he smiles when he sees one of us, is another pleasure altogether.

Daddu... tum bhi na!! :)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Of BBs and iPhones

The other day I called this friend of mine and congratulated her on buying a new BlackBerry.

"New Blackberry. Congratulations!! Partyy!! ", I said, all exicted.

"What re? It's the same old motorola", she replied.

"What about that mail that you sent me from BB?", I asked.

"Arre No ya, I sent from my laptop, Why?", she clarified and asked.

"Then , what's with your signature on the email which says "Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel?", I asked.

"Ayyo..that.. All my official correspondences get a reply with a signature line 'Sent from iPhone 4' ", she said proudly.

I laughed out really really loud and complimented her on the novelty of the idea.

I said ,"You actually don't need to buy one, do you? It already shows your social  status." I mocked.

"Why do you think I did that, then?", she laughed and we ended up philosophising on the pseudo reality.

Jee haan, Aisa Bhi Hota Hai!!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Hope and Chance

He had innumerable chances in life. But he did not do anything about them.

This reminds me of famous statement by Abraham Lincoln, "...and perhaps my chance shall come".
There are people who wait for that one chance all their lives, and some lose it over and over again.

Here's Pratham losing all that he had and waiting desperately for another chance, with all hope.

"Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”
 - Walter Anderson


Chapter 1 : Suicide

Chapter 2 : Retreat

Chapter 3: Quietude

Chapter 4 : Pyrrhic Victory

Chapter 5: One more chance

Chapter 6: New and Old

Chapter 7: Mystery Girl

Chapter 8: Love Acutally

Chapter 9: Knowing the truth

Chapter 10: Joining the Dots

Chapter 11: In-Validity

Chapter 12: Hope and Chance

12. Hope and Chance


“Life has many shades, but the strongest are the ones that have negations in them. We, human beings, have made hate more dominant than love, anger mightier than silence and despair stronger than hope and chance.”
-Pooja Cornelius
“You still swear, don’t you?” Pratham immediately found a comfort zone as soon as he heard Jen talk in her usual language. He forgot that they were meeting after a long time, and were married entities to get into an immediate casual talk like this.
“Come in, would you?” Jen yelled.
Pratham was surprised. Jen hadn’t changed a bit; whereas he had changed entirely.
He had almost killed the Pratham that he was. He travelled back in time and recalled all the wonderful moments he had spent with Jen. He felt emotions flowing incessantly, words forming sentences and mind pushing him to speak, after holding back a lot.
“So, you are married….and…. kids?”, Jen probed infuriatingly.
“Yeah, 2”, Pratham answered.
“That desperate, huh”, Jennifer sounded sardonic and loud, as she pulled the curtains of the terrace to let some light in. Pratham saw Jen’s anger translating into love and composure as the light filled the room.
Pratham did not know what to say. He asked Jen, “How about you?”
“Yes. Nathan’s on a tour, else you would have seen what an awesome deal I settled for”, Jennifer made Pratham feel mediocre, still trying to justify her anger.
“I am sure”, Pratham added, feeling a tad disregarded, as Jennifer spoke of her husband and confessed of having made a better choice.
“…and kids?”, he asked.
“Yes, a son. He stays at Doon. I made sure he develops clarity of thought and makes the best of his life. So hostel is the place for him”, she stated, throwing another sarcasm, as if she wanted to kill Pratham with words.
“I see”, Pratham chuckled. He then added, “I should have gone there too. At least I would have known what I want from life.”
“Now, at least do you know? I think you do, otherwise you wouldn’t have come to meet me”, Jen answered her own question, sounding cool, trying to gauge the situation and overcoming her annoyance.
“No Jen. I am still am not clear about most of the things. But there’s one thing I know”, Pratham sounded serious.
“And that one thing is..?”, Jen asked, as she settled on the couch still looking dominant.
“That I made a huge mistake by letting you go”, Pratham said.
“I did not go anywhere Pratham. You did. I am still where you left me.” Jen replied, realizing that she needed to tell Pratham how things have been. She realized that his life was in mess, and she had made most of hers.
Pratham did not quite understand what Jen said. He asked, “What do you mean Jen?”
“Back then, it was you who made me fall in love … in love with life. And now Nathan has done the same, Neil, my son makes me what I am today. I still continue to live with same enthusiasm, same zeal. Nothing has changed.” Jen replied, sounding strong and comforting.
Pratham realized that Jen wasn’t the one who was suffering; he was. He inadvertently took up the pain, which he thought he had given Jen.
But she knew how to endure, how to live and how to love. Pratham, missed on this one basic lesson of life – to make the best of what is available.
He had lost all chances in life, he felt hopeless at times, and he blamed life for all that was happening with him. He did not realize he had created a labyrinth for himself where he had got stuck with no way out.
“Pratham, I see you are stuck in a maze”, Jen spoke his mind. He gawked at her, wondering if she could read what he was thinking. She added, “Akanksha is the one who will help you out”
“But Jen, I need…”, Pratham started.
“All you need is optimism, Pratham. And Akanksha is that force in your life. Do you realize, had it not been for her, you wouldn’t have been able to meet me”, Jen stirred his soul.
“Jen, I have no clue what I am taking from here”, Pratham said.
“You are taking yourself back, this where you’d left it, right?” Jen again hit the right chord.
“Hmm..” , Pratham accepted.
“We can still be in touch, if you plan to give me your phone number this time, before leaving”, Jennifer offered. “Otherwise, we’ll have to wait for another 8 years, or more”, Jen mocked, trying to make the situation lighter.
Pratham, looked at her, wondering what an amazing women she was, and how she could, so effortlessly take intricate things in life. He thought, she sure had her share of pain too, but she was living – sturdily so, whereas he had almost given up on that.
After a long time, he smiled, his smile turning into laughter. He said, “Yeah, this is my card, Jen. Stay in touch.” Pratham said.
“Sure”, Jen replied, avoiding an eye contact.
“Jen”, Pratham slowly called out. “I am very sorry”, he apologized.
“For?”, Jen asked.
“For not giving an explanation before leaving you.”, he said gathering all efforts.
“Don’t be”, Jennifer finally sounded comforting, with no element of disdain.
“I wish I could…”, Pratham started.
 “Pratham. Remember one thing. You get very few chances in your life, the ones that you always wanted. You have your one now. Make the most of it. Forget what you lost.” Jen said these parting words.
Pratham nodded.
He left Jen’s place, got into a cab and called Akanksha.
“Akshu”, he began.
“Hi Pratham. Did you find her?”, she asked.
“I found myself”, he replied.

THE END

Friday, June 24, 2011

11. In-Validity

"Genuine tragedies in the world are not conflicts between right and wrong. They are conflicts between two rights.”
-Hebbel

“Hello, can I talk to Mr. Peterson?”, Akanksha called up Jennifer’s dad the next day.

“Hello. May I know who is this?”, the female voice on the other end asked.

“Actually I am a friend of Jennifer. Jennifer Peterson. I don’t have her phone number, so I was wondering if I could get it from you”, Akanksha said politely.

“Really? And may I know who’s calling”, the lady replied.

“Am I speaking to Jennifer?”, asked Akanksha guessing the lady would be Jen.

“Yes. I am Jennifer. And your name please?” she asked.

Akanksha wasn’t expecting Jen to respond. She just intended to take the contact number from her and push Pratham to make a call. She did not know what to say next.

“Jennifer. I am Akanksha. You don’t know me, but I do”, she started, all abruptly, not knowing how to take the conversation forward.

“Alright. And how do you know me, and what I can I do for you?”, Jennifer asked.

“I want to meet you”, Akanksha proposed.

“But why? I don’t even know you.”, Jenny sounded confused.

“I am Pratham’s wife”, Akanksha spoke slowly, putting in a lot of efforts and audacity.

Jen went silent. She exactly knew which Pratham Akanksha was talking about. Jen knew only one Pratham. She wondered what to say, but she realized that the person on the other end, Pratham’s wife, was expecting a reply. She finally spoke.

“Is Pratham ok?”, Jen asked, mulling over the reason why Akanksha would have called.

“Yes, he is fine. Can we meet you Jennifer?”, Akanksha asked.

“Why? What’s the point? I don’t understand why you've called me now”, Jennifer had many more questions.

“I don’t know Jen. All I know is Pratham needs to see you, as much as you need to see him”, Akanksha spoke.

“I don’t need to see anyone, Madam”, Jennifer replied.

“I would appreciate if you please give it a thought”, Akanksha said.

“There’s nothing left to think. Moreover I am in the middle of something really important. Please do not consider calling me back. I hope you understand. Thank you very much”, Jen spoke in a straight tone and hung the phone.

Akanksha had nothing more to say. She did not know what could be done. She considered going to Delhi and giving a visit to Jennifer, directly without intimation. But she thought how she would convince Pratham.

***

The Mumbai rains were unexpected, yet soothing. Pratham walked in the premises of his building and felt the rain falling directly on him. The raindrops fell straight on his body, soaking him entirely. The rain seemed comparable to his guilt, as it drenched him completely, and he, willingly allowed himself to drown deeper into the guilt.

He washed his feet in a small pool of water that was accumulated near the gate. He stood there as he saw a car pass over another pool and splash water over him, dirtying his apparels. He smiled. He felt humiliated, but that was the worst that could happen to him. After a damp introspection he finally appeared a bit uncomplicated, and seemed resolved about something. He was totally oblivious of Akanksha’s efforts.

He went up to his apartment and opened the door. Akanksha saw him all drenched. She smiled and said, “Unexpected rains… huh… Splendid, nonetheless”.

“Hmm”, Pratham added and sat on the chair.

“Here, towel”, Akanksha offered.

Pratham looked at her. He kept staring at her until she came near him and wiped off his face, and dried his hair. Pratham’s head reached Akanksha’s chest as she moved her fingers through his scanty hair. He slowly rested his head on Akanksha. She put her arms around his neck and bent down to plant a kiss on his forehead. The intimacy was coming naturally to both of them.
“We are leaving for Delhi tomorrow morning”, Akanksha whispered.

Pratham turned around, letting himself off from her arms, looked up and gawked at his wife. He kept looking until Akanksha asked “What?”, fearing he might not like it.

“Nothing”, he said and seized her tightly holding her by her waist. She could feel Pratham’s bare skin, as she felt his wet clothes soaking her clothes too.

Pratham realized that he was making his weakness very apparent. He immediately moved behind and asked Akanksha ,”Did you talk to her?”

Akanksha nodded.

“What did she say?”, he asked.

“Nothing. We are going to see her tomorrow. Ok?”, Akanksha said.

“I don’t know, Akshu”, Pratham said, though he desperately wanted to meet Jennifer, confront her and finally be at peace.

“Change, and go to sleep Pratham. We leave at 7 in the morning”, Akanksha declared and left.

Pratham wondered how his life had changed, all of a sudden. A few days back he had almost given up looking for a reason, a purpose, trying to discover himself, and now he was being forced into a totally unexpected revelation. He had no clue, whether this was another chance to feel powerful or was this just an illusion. He thought, had it not been for Akanksha, he would have not been able to go this far. He felt like a loser again. But thought, that probably, people like him do require a push in life. He accepted the little help that he was getting and decided to take it on alone from this point.

He decided to speak to Akanksha.

“Akshu”, Pratham called out.

“Ya”, she replied from the other room.

“I am going to Delhi alone”, he said.

“But..”,Akanksha looked clueless.

“Please, let me do this alone”, Pratham said.

“Ok. Jen’s at her father’s place. Hope you have the address”, Akanksha said wondering whether Pratham would take it prudently.

“Alright. Thank you so much, Akshu. I mean it”, Pratham looked into her eyes and spoke.
Akanksha smiled and said “Please come back soon and stay connected”

Pratham took in Akanksha’s apprenhension and gave her an assurance that she needn’t be worried about him. He said, “Bring back Sania and Soham. I’ll get something for them from Delhi. I’ll come back on Sunday. ”

Akanksha trusted Pratham and felt secure. She had nothing more to lose at this point. She bravely allowed her husband to go and seek his long lost love.

***

Pratham landed in Delhi, headed straight towards Kalkaji, where Jennifer's father stayed. He picked up a bunch of white lilies, her favourite. He had no clue, how he would greet her. He was confused whether he should feel happy, tensed, or sad. Amidst all the confusion, he knew one thing - he felt lighter, in his mind and heart, both.

He reached the given address and saw the name plate "K.G.Peterson". He saw a cross on the door. He was an atheist, but at this point he wouldn't have minded a divine intervention.
He took a deep breath and rung the doorbell.

As per his expectations, Jen attended the door.

"Jen. Hi..", Pratham said.

Jennifer knew Pratham would turn up. She stood there still, and kept looking at him. He had changed a lot since she had last seen him. He had put on weight, his dressing style had changed, he looked older, and his face had lost the spark.

"Jen", Pratham called out her name sympathetically.

Jennifer gave him a tight slap on his face. Pratham was shocked. He took sometime to gain back his senses.

"Asshole", she said.

Pratham smiled shamelessly, travelling back in time, recollecting how effortlessly Jen used expletives. This was the Jen he was looking for since long, and finally he knew, where he would find his peace.

…to be contd

Onto Chapter 12: Hope and Chance

Back to Chapter 10: Joining the Dots

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

10. Joining the Dots

"And then we all are just travelers, out on a journey. You meet some, and you lose some in this span"
-Varghese Kutty

"I am hungry", Pratham said, breaking the ice.

Akanksha smiled and nodded as she got the dinner ready and served it. It was after ages that they were having dinner together.

They sat silently and finished their meal.

"Coffee?", Akanksha offered as she wrapped up all the chores.

"Barista?", Pratham suggested.

Akanksha looked at him, stunned. She was lost in her thoughts, and a pleasant interruption brought a smile on her face. This time it was a happy smile.

"Ok", she replied, "5 minutes", she said.

Akanksha, gave up the idea of changing her clothes, but quickly applied kohl and gloss. She brushed her hair, and held them with a clip.
She came out after a few minutes, and saw Pratham playing with the keys, lost in thoughts. He did not notice her.

"Shall we go?", Akanksha asked.

"Yes", Pratham replied as he leaped out of his thoughts, held his keys tightly and left.

They remained quiet while Pratham drove 4 kms to Barista.

"Which college were you in?", Akanksha asked.

"Don't you know?", Pratham asked.

"You never told me. All I know is you are a Master in Commerce", she replied.

"Well, now why do you ask that?", Pratham questioned.

"We can find out details about Jennifer and get in touch with her", she came up with a suggestion.

Pratham was least expecting that his wife would be this serious about what she had said sometime ago.He simply looked at her to find a reaffirmation about the talks that they were getting into.

"Can't we?", Akanksha added giving him a look - comforting and non-deceptive, at the same time.

"What would you like to have. Coffee? Tea?" Pratham changed the topic, still analysing the quandary he was in, unsure whether he wanted Akanksha to help him out.

"I'll have a Chocolate muffin with chocolate sauce and Vanila icecream", Akanksha
sounded very sure about her order.

"Right", Pratham looked surprised. He had never been so sure about anything in his life. Akanksha's order sounded clear and outright. He wondered why couldn't he ever decide on things as fast as some of the other people did.

"Yes we can find out about Jenny from the college", Pratham found his comfort zone
and got back talking about Jennifer.

"Are there any common friends?", Akanksha asked.

"No", Pratham replied, realising he had no friends apart from Jen.

"Any place that she stayed, neighbours, house owners", Akanksha asked.

"Her family shifted to Delhi when we were in the final year, Graduation. She stayed in Mumbai until we graduated", Pratham said.

"Where?", asked Akanksha.

"Kalyan. As a PG, for about 7 months", Pratham recollected.

"Do you know that place?", she asked.

"Yes. I used to pick and drop her almost every day.", Pratham said, sounding a bit apologetic.

"Let's go there now", Akanksha said.

"Now?", he asked.

"Yes. Once I finish my muffin", Akanksha joked and smiled.

Pratham smiled back too. She had never been so open before. She felt lighter. Akanksha's attitude put Pratham in guilt. He had never seen Akshu this way. He wondered what strength this lady must have, to help her husband find his lost love.

Pratham kept looking at her.

"What?", Akanksha asked.

"Nothing", Pratham replied.

"We'll go there right now, take a look at the place and come back incase everyone's sleeping. Else we'll knock and find out", Akanksha said.

"Right", Pratham surrendered.

***

"This is the house. I don't believe it is still the same. They haven't changed the colour either", Pratham keenly observed the house.

He recollected how he used to kiss Jen good night, how he used to honk his horn in a particular way to signal that he was there to pick her up.
All the memories stood fresh and new fangled.

"Pratham", Akanksha called out.

"There are a few girls there. Why don't we talk to them?", she said.

Pratham was actually living a dream. He wouldn't have been able to find out about Jennifer, had he embarked upon the journey all alone. He would have left it to destiny, he would have sulked wondering why is he so aimless, he would have lost another chance to know about something which he always wanted to know. With Akanksha, he realised, he got the push he was always wanting to have. Just that he surrendered too late.
Akanksha got out of the car and went across the street to a group of girls who were standing in front of the gate.

"Hi.. I wanted to know whether there's any PG facility around", Akanksha asked one of the girls.

"Right here. But I guess there isn't any room", one of the girls replied.

"That's alright. Whom do I need to talk to?", Akanksha asked, as she signalled Pratham to come out.

"You can ask Mrs.Khandelwal. She is the owner. She'll guide you through", replied the girl.

"Thank you. Is this a good time to..", Akanksha started her question, immediately then the girl replied ,"Sure, you can go now and talk."

Akanksha and Pratham went inside. Pratham was very reluctant. He blindly followed Akanksha as if she was the one who was desperately seeking Jennifer.

"Mrs.Khandelwal?", Akanksha asked the lady who attended them at the door.

"Yes Please?", the lady replied in a very English tone. She must have been in her 60s.

"I wonder if you remember Jennifer. Jennifer...", Akanksha looked at Pratham.

"Peterson. Jennifer Peterson", Pratham added.

"Ofcourse, I do. She stayed with us for a while", Mrs. Khandelwal replied.

"We were actually looking for her. Could you please give us any information about her?", Akanksha sounded polite, whereas Pratham simply participated in the conversation physically his mind weaving intense thoughts.

"I am sorry, but I don't have her contact details now. I must have sold the record register too. It was around 7-8 years back", she said, "Long time", she sounded strangely nostalgic.

"Why don't you come in?", she offered.

Pratham and Akanksha took a seat each and waited for Mrs. Khandelwal to find some details about Jennifer.

"Wait, Children. I have her card.", said Mrs.Khandelwal, "She never forgot to give me one. She made sure I came to Delhi.", she added.

Akanksha and Pratham smiled and nodded, waiting for the lady to give them some information.

Mrs.Khandelwal pulled out a card and handed it to Pratham.

"Isn't it a beautiful. She made sure she had a perfect wedding.", the lady gave Jenny's wedding card to Pratham and added "This was 7 years back."

"I see", Pratham finally spoke.

"This is her father's address, and inside, is Nathan's", she said, pointing on the address written on wedding card.

Pratham went numb. He was married, had kids, but he was expecting Jen to be still available. Something hurt him inside. He was finally facing all his fears.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Khandelwal. This is indeed a great help", Akanksha replied.

"One minute, and.... y'all.... are???", she asked.

"Her college friends", Akanksha replied, lying effortlessly.

"Mighty nice. Good night children. Be safe", the lady wished.

Pratham held the wedding card and looked at the name "Jennifer" followed by the words "weds Nathan".

He looked at Akanksha, said nothing and finally concluded, sometimes you get just one chance, and you can never have another.

That one chance, for him, was Jenny, which he had lost forever.

...to be contd..

Onto Chapter 11: In-Validity

Back to Chapter 9: Knowing the truth

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

9. Knowing the Truth


                                           " Nobody ever sees truth except in fragments"

-Henry Ward Beecher 

Aisha's abrupt disappearance left Pratham convinced that she was indeed Jennifer. He thought what would Jennifer think about all that he had just spoken. It was the truth. Would she still appreciate his love. Would she understand that his defintion of love was so dicey that he called sheer desperation as Love.

Would she think of him as a coward for having accepted that he attempted suicide?
The thoughts, all random hunted Pratham. He wondered whether Aisha would ever come back online. He wanted her to come back. That would be the only way to find her whereabouts, meet her, confront with whatever he was running from.

He left a message on Aisha's chat window.

"Jen I know it's you. Please, I want to meet you once. Let me know when and how."

A few hours passed by as Pratham kept staring at the screen expecting a reply from the other end.

He slowly fell asleep, as the evening gave way to night.

The door bell woke Pratham up. He opened the door and saw Akanksha.

"You came home?", Pratham enquired.

Akanksha did not say anything as she entered the house and headed towards the study.

"Anything wrong?", Pratham asked.

"No", she replied coldly.

"And kids?", he asked.

Akanksha looked up. Took a deep stare at him, and replied, "They'll stay at mumma's for a while, Pratham."

"What's wrong?", asked Pratham, as he realised that Akanksha was fuming, still trying to talk sensibly.

"Give me sometime. I'll serve you dinner", she added.

"No.. I did not mean that", he said.

"Please, Pratham", Akanksha requested.

Pratham left her alone and sat in the drawing room watching the television. There was a lot going on in his mind.

The music channel played romantic songs in loop as he relived his favorite moment with Jen.

"This place is heaven", Pratham said.

"If you find Goa heaven, wait till you see Kerala", Jenny replied.

"Are you a Goan Christian or a Keralite?", asked Pratham.

"How does that matter?", asked Jenny.

"I would like to make love to a Goan beauty, in Goa, you see", Pratham was getting a high.

Jenny laughed.

"Keep laughing", Pratham said.

"Yes.. I will", Jenny replied as her laughter turned into a happy, silent smile.

"You know,Jen, my lips fit on yours perfectly", Pratham said.

"Really? How?", asked Jen.

"Hold that smile, let me show you", Pratham came closer and placed his lips on Jen's. They both smiled, kissed, talked until the moon came up on the sky.

"Perfect", Jen said, with her lips on Pratham's.

"See, ought to be", Pratham added.

***
Pratham saw a ping on his laptop. He immediately went and read the message.

Aisha: Pratham.

Pratham: Yes...Hi Aisha.. Jen.. Please.. I want to meet you.

Aisha: Listen, Pratham. I am not what you are thinking. Please.

Pratham: Then who are you? Meet me once.

Aisha: Ok. I'll meet you. Tell me when?

Pratham: Now! Where do you stay in Mumbai? I'll come and pick you up.

Aisha: You should have your dinner first?

Pratham: Where do stay Aisha?

Aisha: Have you dinner and then ping me.

Pratham: How do you know I have not had my dinner yet?

After waiting for sometime, Pratham pinged again.

Pratham: Aisha..

Aisha: Yes.

Pratham: Tell me everything. What's the mystery about?

Aisha: You want to meet me?

Pratham: Yes. Desperately. Please tell me where do you stay.

Aisha: With you. Walk to the next room.

Pratham: What??

Pratham re-read what Aisha had just typed. He couldn't believe what he saw. He got up, and walked towards the study. All the conversations, all the confessions, seemed useless at this point. He did not know whether he was disappointed or scared.

He found things falling in place now, Akanksha coming back home, her anger, the talks on the messenger, everything.

He walked into the room and saw his wife glued to the laptop screen.

"Akshu?", Pratham asked.

She was in tears. She did not look up for a while. She waited for Pratham to talk.

"You..Aisha... Jen...? I mean.. How? Why?", Pratham asked, falling short of words.

Akanksha looked up and managed to give a smile to Pratham.

"Jennifer!", Akanksha managed to speak just one word, one name.

"I am sorry Akshu", Pratham apologised, not meaning it an iota.

"Let's find her Pratham", Akanksha said.

Pratham kept staring at her. He was dumbstruck. He managed to asked, "What?"

"Let's find her. I want you to find answers to all that has been bothering you all these days", Akanksha said, holding back tears.

"Akshu... But....", Pratham was confused, troubled, shattered, scared all at the same time.

"Please trust me for once. Help me find your love", Akanksha spoke with all her guts together.

"But...", Pratham questioned.

"Trust me", Akanksha went closer to Pratham.

"And Aisha...??", he asked again.

"Does it matter anymore?" Akanksha held his hand, looked into his eyes, and shed all the tears that she'd been holding.

"Why are you doing this Akanksha?", Pratham never found himself in such a difficult situation.

"Let's be friends.", Akanksha offered.

Pratham hugged her. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. He felt a deep and excruciating pain as he saw life hit him a tight slap on his face.

to be contd...

Onto Chapter 10: Joining the Dots

Back to Chapter 8: Love Actually

Monday, June 20, 2011

8. Love Actually

"Love that we can not have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest...”


Pratham was existing in an entirely different world. He thought, if he had known himself earlier, say some 6 years back, he would have also known what he wanted from his life. At this juncture he knew one thing, he wanted to see Jennifer. He asked himself, whether he was in love with her, but he found no answer to that question yet.

The afternoon in Mumbai, was an unusual one. It wasn't very humid. He switched off the AC and opened the windows and stared outside. A beautiful view reminded him of his college days.

Surprisingly, he never felt the urge to make a call to Akanksha before. But he picked up the landline and dialled her number. He remember her number because it was just one digit different from his.

The caller tune brought a smile on his face. It was Akanksha's favorite song, the one which she had sung on her wedding, after being asked to sing.

"Hello", Akanksha answered.

"Where are you?", asked Pratham.

"Andheri. Mama's place", Akanksha replied.

"Ok. Stay back if you want.", Pratham proposed.

"Ummm...", Akanksha wondered.

"Yeah, please do. Don't worry about me", Pratham spoke in a formal tone.

"Ok", Akanksha sounded elated.

"I'll have my dinner don't worry", Pratham spoke up as soon as Akanksha started to speak.

"Yeah.. Was just about to say that", Akanksha added, "and.." she went on.

"Don't worry Akshu. Trust me.", Pratham said.

"Ok",she smiled and hung up.

Pratham felt a sense of responsibility, independence and love at the same time. He had no idea, which feeling was towards whom.

Akanksha on the other hand felt reassured that things would get better, as she saw the obvious.

***

After browsing through a few websites, Pratham decided to Google for Jenny.
He typed "Jennifer Peterson" in double quotes and hit 'Search'.

The first search for the name showed a linkedin profile which said Jennifer worked as a Research Assistant at the NCL, Pune.

Pratham was convinced that it couldn't be her. She was least interested in Chemistry, or science, for that matter. He thought hard, wondering what was her major.He recollected a conversation.

"I got an entrance day after, can't you meet me tomorrow", Jenny requested.

"I have an outing with my cousins, Jenny. I am going out of the city", Pratham added.

"And what about your exam. Aren't you appearing for it?", asked Jenny.

"What exam?", Pratham enquired.

"You B-school entrance?", asked Jenny perplexed.

"Ohh.. I forgot to tell you, I am not opting for MBA anymore.", Pratham answered.

"Then?", Jenny yelled.

"Nothing. Will think about it later.", Pratham answered.

"Get lost Pratham. Don't talk to me for a while.", she sounded agitated.

Pratham thought, what was the entrance that she was about to give then. He felt really sorry for not listening to her properly, or not asking her about it at all.

He tried very hard to recollect what Jenny wanted to pursue, but he falied miserably.
He looked for more searches on Google. There was one which caught his attention.

The site was called "sweet alabama" and the owner of the site was Jennifer P.
He wondered whether she wanted to become a writer. What was this sweet alabama all about? The site had some pictures. He thought, again, it wouldn't be her. The site looked unmaintained.

He thought how could he find her.

Right then, Aisha pinged him.

Aisha: What's up, Mr.Banker?


Pratham: Nothing much. A lazy evening, I am browsing the internet, reading some stuff.


Aisha: What stuff?


Pratham: Nothing interesting though.


Aisha: So you trying to find Jennifer.

Pratham felt a bit uncomfortable. Was it too obvious that he would be doing just that, he thought.

Pratham: No, not exactly.


Aisha: Ok. So..


Pratham: So...

He thought for a while before taking the plunge and asking Aisha about something totally out of the blue.

Pratham: Do you know Jennifer?


Aisha: How would I? And why do you ask that?


Pratham: Ohh..just like that.


Aisha: Pratham, can I help you?


Pratham: How can you help me?


Aisha: Talk to me. I won't make any judgements, trust me.


Pratham: :) About Jennifer...

He started, as if he wanted one chance to speak to someone about it.

Pratham: She was not more than 5 feet 4 inches. I am 6 feet tall, you know!


Aisha: Really.. ok.. then...


Pratham: I had a huge crush on her, though she wasn't really beautiful, or charming. But she was very very smart. Pretty. Adorable.


Aisha: :)


Pratham: We studied in the same college, class, attended same tuitions. We shared notes, tiffin, clothes, at times too.


Aisha: Clothes??


Pratham: Yeah, she would wear my T-shirts, and never return them back. I used to hate it. I think I did not have any other friend apart from her.


Aisha: mmhmmm...


Pratham: We barely knew each other when we ended up kissing the very first time. And you know what, we had no guilt about it. And then it went on,one thing leading to the other.


Aisha: I see ;)


Pratham: We were partners. In all senses.. Literally and otherwise. I wonder how did I survive for so long without her. Actually I didn't survive. I kept on killing myself, every single day, until the day I finally decided to finish it all...


Aisha: Pratham..


Pratham: Yes.. I attempted suicide.I think she kept me alive. I think she still does.


Aisha: You think you are in love with her?


Pratham: Think? I don't know. I think she still lives in me, and therefore I live.


Aisha: Why did you let her go?


Pratham: I don't know. She wasn't someone who could become an ideal daughter-in-law,
she wasn't someone who could be an ideal mother to my children.


Aisha: Then, why do you miss her?


Pratham: I have no clue. I want to see her once. Apologise and tell her...


Aisha: What?


Pratham: Tell her... that I probably love her.


Aisha: Probably?


Pratham: I actually love her.


Aisha: Are you sure.


Pratham: I don't know.


Aisha: Then what do you know?

Pratham looked at the last ping. That's how Jen questioned. He immediately pinged back.

Pratham: Jennifer???


Aisha: what, Jennifer??


Pratham: Are you Jennifer. Please tell me... Jen... is it you?

Aisha's status went to offline and Pratham kept staring at the screen.

...to be contd.

Onto Chapter 9: Knowing the Truth

Back to Chapter 7: Mystery Girl

Thursday, June 16, 2011

7. Mystery Girl

“The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.”
-Oscar Wilde


"Hi Pratham"

This message was left on Pratham's chat for a long time. He left his Laptop unattended and meanwhile something that he was eagerly looking forward to had happened.

After a gap of an hour or so, Pratham went back to his laptop and was amazed to see a ping on his chat window. Aisha_Mumbai looked online, though idle.

He pinged back saying, "Hi. May I know who's this."

He was skeptical. He thought he wouldn't get a reply immediately. But there was barely a second's gap and he got a reply from Aisha and they got talking.

"Hi. I am Aisha. From Mumbai"

"Do I know you?", He asked.

He still had the initial chatting jitters, wondering who could the person be. Is the person genuine, and not a hacker etc - the similar apprehensions which people usually get while chatting .Pratham was aiming that the person on the other end should reveal that she is Jennifer.

"I guess no. But I wouldn't mind if we tried." ,she replied.

Pratham thought that it would take some time for him to make the other person reveal her identity, so he decided to carry on with the chat to find out whether the person was indeed Jennifer.He decided to be as honest as possible. It was the beginning of his fight against his weaknesses too.

Aisha: So What do you do?

Pratham: I am an investment banker. I work with a reputed bank in Mumbai. And you?

Aisha: I am a fashion designer and work for a leading designer brand.

Pratham: So..? You know, actually, I am not very good at all this.

Aisha : Good at what?

Pratham: This chatting business.

Aisha: Then how come you are online, that too on a proper chat application?

Pratham: I was looking for Jennifer.

Pratham intentionally mentioned the name expecting some reaction from the other end.

Aisha : Jennifer?

Pratham: Yes. We kinda had an affair around 7 years back.

Aisha: And you are looking for her now? Why?

Pratham: I have no clue.

Aisha: So are you married?

Pratham: Yes. You?

Aisha: No. What's with Jennifer then? You are married and probably happy, then why are you looking for this ex of yours?

Pratham: Yes, I am married, happy or not, I have no clue, I think I am looking for Jennifer so that I get a few of my questions answered.

Aisha: Aah. I see. So what was it like with Jennifer? Real close?

Pratham felt a bit uncomfortable, initially considering the topics into which Aisha was foraying. But he didn't really mind, because he was sure that this lady, if not Jennifer, was some random unknown lady and talking to her wouldn't make any difference anyway.

Pratham: Yes. We were in a relationship for about 5 years. Until I got married.

Aisha: And why did you get married to someone else then?

Pratham: Because I never knew I was in love with Jennifer.

Aisha: So are you still in love with Jennifer?

Pratham: I don't know.

Aisha: What do you know then?

Pratham: I know that I don't love my wife. I know that I don't love myself. But I know that Jenny keeps troubling me time and again. I left her at a very bad stage. I left her without answering her questions. And now..

Aisha: Now.. What?

Pratham: Nothing.. Now, Nothing. I think I'll catch you later Aisha. It was nice talking to you.

Aisha: Same here. See you around.

Pratham logged out of his chat window wondering what he had just revealed to a stranger.

He slipped into a memory, which stood so clear in his mind.


"What?", Jenny woke up startled as she found Pratham staring at her.

"Nothing. I am just watching you. Go back to sleep.", Pratham kept staring at her.

"And you'd keep looking at me like that? huh?", asked Jenny.

"I love doing that", Pratham sunk deeper into Jen's eyes.

"Are you that madly in love with me Pratham, hmm?", Jen asked.

"I don't know", Pratham whispered and they kissed.

Pratham relived the kiss again and it gave him jitters. The urge to get back to Jenny had became stronger...

to be contd..

Onto Chapter 8: Love Actually

Back to Chapter 6 : New and Old

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

6. New and Old

Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame. 
-Thoreau

The next morning, Pratham woke up with a similar thought of committing suicide. The optimism had diminished somewhere again. Optimism came to him in miligrams. And this time too whatever had come to him, had vanished. He looked at his watch. It was not even 5 in the morning, and he could anticipate the time when the sun would be out.

He stood near the window and looked out. He could hear the birds chirp but couldn't see a single one. It was like his own desires. They chirped from within, but they never came true, visible.

He recollected what he had done the previous day. He remebered how he retrieved his yahoo password and got the account activated.

He immediately took out his laptop and logged onto yahoo. Before he could see the page load, he thought of making a coffee for himself. As he went into the kitchen, he saw Akanksha busy, that early in the morning.

He asked her ,"You up so early?"

"Yes. coffee?", she replied and then asked him.

"Ya. Any plans?", Pratham asked.

"Going to Mumma's place. I have to go shopping with her.", Akanksha replied.

"Ok. I'll stay at home. I am not going anywhere", Pratham said.

"Alright", Akanksha answered as she poured coffee into the mug.

Like always, the discussion between them was cold. Very cold. Akanksha had become numb to almost everything. There were times when she, like Pratham, felt that she did not love her children at all. The search for the answers to the innumerable questions haunted her time and again.

But this day was a new day and she had decided to do something she had never done in her life.

***

Pratham braced himself on the bean bag and held the coffee of mug. Something made him smile, as he took a look at his laptop, his yahoo account.

The inbox had one mail. He eagerly clicked on "Inbox" and saw a mail from some "Aisha" totally against his expectations.
He clicked on the name and opened it to see its contents.

It read,

Hi Pratham,
I am Aisha. I stay in Mumbai.
Care to be my friend? I found you on one of the chat rooms and thought of sending you a mail. You possibly went offline soon last night.

If you are interested. Please reply.
-Aisha.

He found something very strange. About the mail, and the content. He slipped into a conversation that he had with Jenny.

"What time would you come on chat, Jen? I cannot wait to talk to you", said Pratham impatiently.

"Dad will go to sleep at 11. I shall come after that, ok? Now put down the phone.", Jenny whispered as she spoke from her home, in presence of her dad.

"Meanwhile I will chat with a few other girls then", Pratham teased her.

"Dare you do that. This id is just for chatting with me. And no one else. Get that?", Jenny scolded him, still whispering.

"So I can't use this email id for any other purpose?", Pratham asked candidly.

"No. I own this id as much as I own you. No sharing business. Clear?", Jenny sounded demanding, and low at the same time.

"Chill baby. This id's just for you. Now come on the chat, quickly", Pratham sounded mushy.

"20 minutes. I'll be there. Hang around.", Jenny whispered.

Pratham thought about it again. He tried to recollect whether he had shared this id with anyone else. He realised he had never been to a chat room either. Only Jenny knew this email id and they used it to chat after everyone at Jenny's went to sleep. The account stood dead for more than 4 years, easily. He hadn't accessed it since last 6 years. He doubted who could Aisha be.

He thought that probably Jenny mailed him. She must have been mailing him everyday since the last time they spoke, and he got this one mail, this day because
his account got working last night.


He looked elated and then confused. He immediately signed into the chat application of Yahoo. There was a friend request from "Aisha_Mumbai". He accepted it immediately, but that username was offline.

He wondered, why would have Jenny used a misnomer to communicate with him. He thought, she must have been scared to use her real name, considering that Pratham was married.

Pratham thought that Jenny is probably still in love with him and since all these years she had been trying persistently to get in touch with him.

While he sketched the entire picture, he recollected Jenny's face. For a moment, something struck him, and he tried hard to convince himself that he wasn't in love with her. But that one strong feeling, just wouldn't fade away. After 7 years of inactivity, his heart, suddenly felt a thud. And this time, it was love - long forgotten.

...to be contd..

Onto Chapter 7 : Mystery Girl

Back to Chapter 5: One more chance

if there were no dreams

  if there were no dreams the permanence would slowly take over and the little escapes into the terrain of subconscious existence would deli...